


Where You Can't Follow

by mansikka



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confused Alec Lightwood, Downworlder Politics, Emotional Manipulation, Engaged Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, False Memories, Hopeful Ending, Invisibility, Loneliness, M/M, Magic, POV Alternating, Pining, Seelie Queen - Freeform, Separations, high warlock of brooklyn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-09-20 08:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17018946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: It is a lonely life being a warlock at times. Magnus knows he can call up any number of people should he want some company. But there is no one to end his day with, to share the comfort of his home. Magnus is struck so hard with the instinct that this is something he's missing, that when he looks across the couch he expects someone to be looking back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well isn't that a vague summary... 
> 
> This fic is a weird one, I can't lie about that. To anyone who is reading this as it's posting be aware that tags are being added as we go along. That being said, I'm not about to spring a MCD on you, that isn't happening at all. There is also nothing that gruesome, no major injuries, no sex for Alec or Magnus that isn't with each other.
> 
> Two other things about this fic; firstly, the pace is a little quick, which I did to avoid me turning this thing into some 100k saga. And secondly, by the end you might think the story lends itself to having a follow up which is true - but there are no plans for that to happen. 
> 
> Thanks as always to the most amazing of betas toughpaperround <3 I don't know if you know just how much fun you make these things when you read along!
> 
> Happy reading!

Once, when he was a child, Alec went missing as his parents attended a Clave meeting. When they realized he had disappeared, they searched for hours until the sky was dark. Robert found him cowering in the corner of a chamber, huddled up into a ball against the cold. Alec can still hear the echo of his dad's voice bouncing around that ancient cold stone. The tone of it more furious for wasting time than showing concern.

Alec hears that tone when his father is disappointed in him even now. Every time he makes a decision or choice that doesn't directly align with his principles — not that his father has anything left to be principled about — that cold, echoing anger comes back, leaving Alec feeling small and alone.

He's never really told anyone about that afternoon in his childhood. How Izzy had been left with relatives, and he'd been dragged along to this meeting he was too young to attend. How he'd played on the steps of the building making games of jumping up the steps as he'd waited for his parents to finish. Chasing shadows around the huge columns that seemed tall enough to reach the sky, before he stumbled across an old entrance and peering in.

That cold hallway was narrow enough that adult Alec could probably touch both sides with no need to stretch. At the time it had felt enormous, the echo of his own voice never-ending as he'd called. Cobwebs clung to his shirt when he'd knocked his shoulder against a wall in the darkness. Something crawled and slithered between his feet leaving him gasping in the dark.

He'd kept going, despite how hard his heart was racing, hearing his father's commands that he must always be brave. Alec had felt his way through an archway into that cold, vast chamber, trembling for the sense of being watched by something avoiding being seen. Even now Alec can't explain it, how he'd found himself curled up on those steps too terrified to run back out again. He has nightmares about it sometimes that he dismisses as nothing. Burrowing down in Magnus' arms until that aching empty feeling he gets from those dreams is gone.

He wishes Magnus was here now. So used to reaching for Magnus whenever he needs comforting that even in a situation like this one all Alec can think about is him. The cold, dank darkness from his childhood is the only company Alec has now, closing in on him to steal his air the further he makes his way in.

This building is not that one, and this hallway is not that chamber from so long ago. Yet that same chilling presence of someone watching seeps into Alec like a second skin clinging, leaving him with the sense there will be something waiting for him if he looks back. He can't look back, can only continue to stumble forward, trying to fill his thoughts only with Magnus, and home.

* * *

A harsh blast of wind extinguishes the candles Magnus had been reading by, interrupting him from his book. He lights them individually, the sulfur of the matches hitting his nostrils. It fills the air with small wisps of smoke that he watches until they disappear. For a moment when he glances out around the apartment, it feels empty, as though something that keeps it vital and vibrant has been extinguished. It unsettles Magnus enough to want to investigate, walking from room to room until satisfied that nothing is wrong. He still has the feeling he is _missing_ something. But since there is no evidence of what, Magnus returns to his book and couch.

It is a lonely life being a warlock at times, and in moments like this one even more so. It isn't that his phone isn't full of contacts he couldn't call up and speak with to get over this empty feeling. Many who would be happy to meet him for drinking or dancing somewhere. It's that there is never anyone at the other end of this couch. No one sat here with their feet meeting his in the middle, or cradling Magnus in their arms reading the book with him, nudging for Magnus to turn a page. In this instant, he's struck so hard with the instinct that this is something he's truly missing that when he looks across the couch Magnus expects someone to be looking back.

Uneasy, Magnus rises to his feet, crossing the room to fix himself a drink that will chase away that feeling. Hesitating when he reaches for two glasses as though it's something he does instinctively, studying the sense that something is _missing_ in him until he's angry enough to goad himself for it. Remind himself it is his choice to be alone.

Camille might have been the reason for this abstinence from companionship of any kind. But it was Magnus' choice all those long years ago not to let anyone get too close. He has his friends, he has his clients, he has his pick of whoever he pleases to dance the hours away with in Pandemonium. But not one of those _companions_ are people he wants anything else with. Not one who will ever see the inside of his home.

Magnus snaps his head to the side sure someone is calling him. He holds his breath to listen for it again then tries to seek it out, yanking the door to his apartment wide open, expecting someone to be waiting on the other side. The hallway is empty, unnaturally still as though it too is waiting for something. Magnus ducks back inside and conjures a spell to reassure himself nothing is with him, then once again returns to his couch.

He loses himself in another chapter, turning the pages as he drains his glass. His heart is in his throat for the action on the page but there is something underlying its hammering. Magnus glances once again along the length of the couch, reaching out to pick up a throw over the back of it. He presses it to his nose, sure there is a familiar scent that is absent. So sure, that he takes it out on the balcony with him, reasoning it might need airing to lift him from this mood.

The balcony is cold, not just from the chill of the evening, but filled with echoes and impressions of memories that don't belong to him. He is certain there should be a figure stood beside him as he observes the New York skyline, and sure that small couch in the corner was recently shared with someone. Magnus shivers as a ghost of an arm around him teases with a weight pressing around his shoulders, casting a suspicious gaze over the balcony before ducking back inside.

The apartment seems to look back at him, waiting, watching. Magnus tells himself to ignore the feeling, refilling his glass and taking large gulps. He sits back down on the couch and finds his page in the book, adamant his discomfort is nothing but an active imagination. Cursing into the dark when the candles go out again.

* * *

Alec doesn't know where he is. Everywhere he looks seems the same as he would normally see things, yet everything is also blurred. He keeps rubbing his eyes trying to clear them as though it is his vision that is faulty but nothing brings him clarity. Even sounds are muffled in his ears. It is as though he is walking through the world in a bubble, unable to reach out for anything he sees.

That muffled sensation is stronger in places that he doesn't know, walking along the streets of New York that he only vaguely recognizes. But in other places where he knows he belongs those bubbled walls are thinner. His vision is clearer and Alec is able to make out every word that he hears. Though Alec half-wishes that what he is seeing and hearing wasn't happening at all.

It's like he never even existed. Someone is sitting at his desk in the Institute, in his office, overseeing what is typically his work. Everything in this room is his; from the book with dogged-eared corners on the edge of the desk he's been trying to read for weeks, to the pens being used to sign documents he should be signing. And all the personal touches that are his are missing; where is the painting Clary did of he and Izzy when they were children? Where is the photograph of him and Magnus?

Magnus, Alec thinks in a daze, heart pounding as he runs through the Institute and not a single person stops him. Jace and Clary he assumes must be out on a patrol or something since neither of them is in their rooms. He finds Izzy in her lab and reaches out to grab her arm, staring at his hand in disbelief when it goes right through.

"There you are."

Alec spins on his heel hearing the voice of their father as Izzy does the same. He watches as she runs into his arms, smiling for the affection there has always been between them even if it's something he's never received.

"How's my favorite girl?"

"Working. Like always."

"Always the hardest working Lightwood," Robert replies with a proud smile.

Alec pretends not to feel stung for it, listening as Izzy talks about the work she is doing and asks after Max. That his name isn't mentioned once by his dad doesn't faze him, yet typically Izzy is trying to force some praise from their dad about _him_ no matter what conversation they have. When neither of them even say his name, Alec runs back out of the Institute looking at the sensors as he goes and wonders what Underhill must be thinking for seeing him charging through.

Even on the streets, nobody looks at him. Alec doesn't even bother to activate any Runes as he moves; he's just desperate to be home. He arrives outside the apartment building breathless, running up the stairs until he's almost in a heap on his and Magnus' own floor. Here, everything is normal, in that all that he sees and hears is clear. He is reassured when his own hand touches the handle on the door to their apartment and he can walk right in.

"Who's there?"

Alec freezes as Magnus calls out from the depths of his apothecary, closing the door softly and turning on his heel.

"It's only me. Magnus; something weird is going on," he says as Magnus walks out to walk straight by him, coming to a stop in front of the door and staring at it frowning.

"I could have sworn I heard…"

Alec watches as Magnus turns the door handle himself and peeks out into the hallway, ducking back in with an even bigger frown. Magnus checks the door again, rattling it, then for the first time Alec has ever seen him do, locking it by hand.

"Is something wrong with your magic?" Alec asks, though gets his answer when on top of that manual lock Magnus pulses magic at the door. "So why aren't you—"

Magnus turns away from Alec mid-sentence and heads back to the apothecary, with Alec trailing behind him both in disbelief and alarm.

"Magnus. This isn't funny. Did Jace put you up to this or something?"

Magnus ignores him entirely, sliding back into his chair at his desk and returning to whatever work he was doing before Alec's interruption. Alec opens his mouth to speak again, rounding the desk to stand by his side. But the words freeze on his lips for noticing not a trace of _him_ is present. The photo Magnus keeps of them is gone from his desk. And when Magnus raises his hand to stir something Alec's stomach drops for no sign of the engagement rings they've both been wearing for months.

"Magnus," he says, hand shaking as he reaches out for him, scared that the same thing that happened with Izzy will happen here. He flinches when Magnus shoos his hand away as though he's tickled him, yet hasn't touched him at all.

Heart hammering faster, Alec inspects the rest of the apartment. Not a trace of him is to be seen. Not the photos crammed into picture frames or his toothbrush in the holder over the sink. He opens his closet finding it filled with Magnus' own clothes, slamming the door closed in frustration which sends Magnus hurrying through.

Alec watches him glare at the closet before turning that same scowl on the room. Magnus pulses magic; Alec recognizes him using it to sense if there is an intruder he can't see. Watching him snap his fingers in irritation when nothing happens.

"I'm right here," Alec says, calling out and reaching for Magnus, only for him to turn away.

* * *

His apartment hasn't felt right for about a week now. It feels like something else is occupying his space, something insistent that it has the right to share his home with him. Magnus is far too old and seasoned to be foolish enough not to believe in things like ghosts, yet this feels different; even if he doesn't truly know what a ghost feels like.

There is a familiarity lurking within his walls that is trying to reach him. Once or twice he's sure something has tried to grasp his hand. When he looks in the mirror, it's with fear in place of the occasional bouts of self-loathing that leave him hating making eye contact. Half the time, he's expecting to see someone over his shoulder staring back.

This entity isn't threatening. In fact, being near to it swathes Magnus in affection and comfort, which is even more alarming than something harmful being in his home. This thing seems to _know_ him, in ways he's not let anyone know him in so very long. Any time that sensation creeps over his skin like someone is trying to hug him, Magnus is hit with a sense of longing that leaves him hollow. That sends him out into the streets and into bar corners just so he doesn't feel so alone.

Magnus keeps himself busy, far more unsettled by this presence than he thinks he should allow. Though there is something holding him back from moving home to escape it, like he normally would do when things get difficult. He feels tethered to this loft apartment even if he doesn't know why, or how. So he continues to regard his home with suspicion, staring out across its space and at his walls. If he imagines hard enough, this presence comes to sit with him. Folds itself up in the corner of the couch opposite him and equally keen to observe.

All the spells he knows for communication aren't doing anything, and at times Magnus thinks it's his loneliness that has summoned this entity here. If he could speak with it, find out what it wants, maybe things would be clearer. Perhaps he could even help it move on to where it's meant to be, and he can go back to being happily alone.

"Why are you here?" he whispers, staring across the length of the couch. "What do you want?"

Magnus can visualize a pair of familiar eyes staring back at him yet has no clue to whom they might belong. Though they are pleading with him, begging him to understand. He even thinks this thing reaches for him, flinching away from a tingling coldness seeping over his hand.

He wakes one night to feeling it watching him. First at the foot of the bed, then when it knows he is awake retreating to the chair. Its familiarity with him is creepy, though not as much as the urge he has to lean into it.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, torn for the need he has not to hurt this unseen person. "I can't sleep with you in here with me."

The hairs stand up on the back of Magnus' neck when he feels that presence leave the room, jumping out of bed to close the door behind it as though that barrier will prevent it coming back. Though sleep will evade him anyway this evening, Magnus knows it will even as he tries to settle again. How can he sleep for the sound of anguished sobbing drifting to him from beyond that closed door?

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Alec has no sense of time here, though he is sure several days must have passed. He remembers a call about a breach in an old part of the city, how he and a team had taken unfamiliar paths to seek it out. He knows he got separated from the group, discovering the building that reminded him so much of that time from his childhood. And he can still feel that pressure on his neck that wouldn't let him turn back even now.

But how he got here, and where he is, and what is happening, Alec doesn't know. Alec is certain he isn't dead, yet this is no way to be alive. He is neither hungry nor thirsty, though he thinks that's more to do with worry than anything else. So he eats and drinks, purely when he can find things he can pick up, that his hand doesn't pass straight through.

Alec returns to the building and spends his days exploring, looping around it looking for answers both inside and out. It's less frustrating than being in the Institute and not a single person knowing him, let alone seeing him. He stood over Izzy's shoulder yesterday watching a monitor pulse red for demonic activity and has never felt so helpless in his life. But at night, Alec is drawn home, following Magnus from room to room doing his best not to disturb him as much as he tries to let him know he is there. Alec is surprised that Magnus hasn't put up wards that would shut him out altogether. Yet since Magnus doesn't know what he'd be warding out, Alec supposes he shouldn't be surprised.

Sometimes, when he's staring at Magnus so hard begging him to know he is with him, Magnus looks up and stares right back at him as though he can see him there. Alec holds an unnecessary breath every time, his heart sinking when Magnus' eyes drift away again almost in disappointment. That he half-accepts him in their home though treats him as a stranger is crushing Alec. Yet how can Magnus treat him any other way when he doesn't know it's him that is here? When Magnus doesn't remember him at all?

Something happened to him in that building. Something took any memory of him away from the world, leaving him to walk through it alone. Aside from the occasional food he finds the only things Alec can physically touch surround Magnus. The barrier between where he walks and his life exists is so much thinner when Magnus is near than it is anywhere else. Though even then it isn't consistent; some days Alec can turn handles and lift books, yet on others, he passes straight through.

Alec returns to that building in daylight when the sun trickles through. He stands in front of the strange statues lining the walls, sits when trying to decipher the unfamiliar writing and failing each time. There is something in this building that has trapped him here in this half-existence. Something that he needs to understand so he can find his way back. Alec is determined, even if some hours he gets lost in his own despair. He thinks of his family, and he thinks of Magnus and tries to anchor on to them all to help find his way home.

* * *

The Seelies are up to something. There is an excitement whispered on the breeze as Magnus makes his way to the Seelie Court that he knows means trouble, yet thinks he can only make worse by turning back. The Queen sits observing with her usual amused disdain as he arrives, only raising to her feet to greet him when several minutes have passed.

"You asked to see me, Milady?"

"It has been a while since the High Warlock of Brooklyn walked through these forests."

"Yes. Well. I am sure Lorenzo Rey would have come in person if he could spare the time."

Magnus loathes playing diplomat, loathes even more the terrible excuse of a leader the High Warlock of Brooklyn has become. He still can't understand after all these years how someone so inexperienced and egotistical as _Lorenzo Rey_  could yield such power, yet Magnus wants to live a quiet life. At least this decade. At least this century. Challenging such mediocrity and becoming someone other warlocks rely on he can leave to another time.

Yet what Magnus despises most of all is the knowledge that the Seelie Queen is laughing at him. She may only be smiling that infamous all-knowing smile, yet the light in her eyes is full of triumph, as though she knows something he does not.

"In any case. You are here now."

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your invitation?" he asks, hiding his irritation. That he is seen as approachable, and neutral, and even as an ally to all the factions of the Downworld has proved nothing but an inconvenience. People always reach out to him to keep the peace, pass on messages, taking an unnecessary drain on his time.

And as for _Shadowhunters_ , he thinks, waiting in silence as the Seelie Queen circles him in inspection. They still believe that with one snap of their fingers any Downworlder should come running, and that only _they_ are above their own laws. They are utterly clueless when it comes to the Downworld. The Head of the New York Institute is a nameless, faceless, interchangeable irritation to Magnus. He is half-furious that it is he who provides their wards while the High Warlock takes the credit, and half-exasperated that he still keeps answering every time the Shadowhunters call.

"You have lost something," the Seelie Queen says, coming to a stop in front of him.

 _My mind for coming here_ , he thinks, and for the look on her face, Magnus might as well have said it out loud. "And what is that?"

"Something that is important to you. Above anything else."

Magnus doesn't know what to say so doesn't answer, only continuing to watch as the Queen moves again.

"It is there in the corner of your mind's eye though just out of reach. It must be frustrating."

"I assure you," Magnus replies with the best he can make of a smile, "I have everything in my life that I need."

"And yet you remember it sometimes. You can feel it, right here," she says, holding her hand over her heart. "Yet you don't even know what it is."

"Is there a message you would like me to relay to the High Warlock?" Magnus asks, determined not to show any emotion.

If anything, the Queen looks _pleased_. "It is time for the Downworlders to come together to form an Alliance. For too long we have lived within the Accords that the Shadowhunters themselves break without a moment's regard for us."

Magnus might agree, though these are decisions that are nothing to do with him. "What would you have me tell him?"

"That we will set up a meeting. Or rather that _you_ will set up a meeting. Since it is _you_ that the other Downworlder leaders trust."

Magnus smiles through gritted teeth and nods. "Where is this meeting to be held?"

"Here, of course. Away from the prying eyes of Shadowhunters whose only interests are their own."

"I'll see to it right away."

"Time is of the essence, _Magnus_ ," the Queen tells him, still seeming to laugh at him.

"Of course. Is there anything else you require of me?" he asks, desperate to already be gone.

"That will be all for now."

"Milady," he says, bowing as he turns away, his steps deliberate to not show his haste.

"Magnus?"

Magnus freezes on the spot, turns his head without moving his body, and waits.

"That which has been lost can still be found again. You only need know where to look. And how to ask."

Magnus has no response. He only bows then turns to leave again, sure the entire forest is mocking him as he walks away.

* * *

"I miss you, Iz."

Alec perches on a stool in Izzy's laboratory, watching with a grimace as she works. He is torn between thinking he has found himself in a new reality where he's never existed, or that he is in his own world but has been forgotten by all.

The latter feels more likely. Everywhere he looks is familiar to him as though only _he_ has been removed. The empty space he's left has been closed around him like he was never there in the first place, yet there are traces of him in everything he sees. The patrol system he'd set up to make sure a more even coverage that was fairer on those patrolling is still in place, as are the amendments he'd made to make things easier when Shadowhunters needed compassionate leave. His bow and arrow sit in their usual space untouched as though no one else can see them, and there are seraph blades that he recognizes as his own — thankfully only in Jace's possession.

The easel he'd arranged for Clary even while pretending he couldn't care less about her is still in her room. Sometimes Alec sinks into a chair when she's working, watching as whatever she draws seems to come to life. Jace he can barely stand to be around for feeling no connection coming back from his Parabatai at all. But it's in Izzy's room it's hardest to be, for seeing the photos that used to contain images of the two of them together now just frames of Izzy on her own. The books they shared still sit in a pile close to her bed, and even this carving he'd tried to do for her when he was very young sits in pride of place on one of her shelves.

It's just _him_ that is gone, and nobody has noticed. Though how can they notice someone who wasn't already here? He's been erased from the world, and Alec is sure it is deliberate. Though without knowing by whom, he has no clue of how he's supposed to get back. He can't be mad that no one is looking for him, yet Alec can't stop himself from being frustrated that they don't notice when he's around.

"Izzy. It's me."

Izzy keeps on working, dissecting some kind of tissue trying to figure out what is inside. Alec can smell it, necrotic and putrid, and once again he's amazed Izzy is so unconcerned by the smell.

"Iz. I need you to help me figure this out. I don't even know where to start."

When she doesn't respond, Alec takes himself through to the control room, hoping there is a way to access the records of patrols. His frustration bounces around the walls for trying to type on the keyboard and his fingers passing straight through. There is a log they keep, but the records don't go back long enough — not on this screen anyway, the date blinking in the corner telling Alec he's been like this for weeks. He needs to know what happened on that patrol, how he has been erased while everyone else returned.

Alec spends a couple of days following everyone he had been on that patrol with, hoping to get a glimpse of something that might help or overhear something that is said. There is nothing, no mention of a patrol that was anything other than routine, no sign that anyone suspects something is different. Every time Alec gets to grips with the idea that he is missing from this world something happens to make him furious he can't find his way back.

Today it was Max, an impromptu visit to the Institute, looking taller and more like a warrior every day. Alec is scared for him, that bravado that means he'll seek out trouble whatever the risk. Though he can't reach him to ask that he be careful, having to watch his siblings wrap Max up in hugs and content himself with that instead.

And at night, indulging in feeling maudlin for himself as he watches Magnus on the balcony, Alec's lack of presence is even more profound. Magnus moves around their apartment talking to himself as he goes about his tasks. There is this wistful look about him that is almost like he knows something is missing but doesn't know what.

Alec knows Magnus can feel him here, that he's become accustomed to his invisible visitor. He thinks he brings Magnus comfort in a way, glad that he isn't truly missing him, since apparently in this existence he's never existed at all. Alec thinks about his world without Magnus, how monochrome and stifling it would have been. Magnus is still technicolor without him, though that is hardly Magnus' fault. Yet Alec can't help but wonder if _this_ version of Magnus would have been what would have happened if _they_ had never been.

At night, when Magnus falls into a restless sleep, Alec is sure at times that Magnus does remember. Alec creeps into their bedroom watching him curl up on his side of the bed, aches when he sees Magnus reaching out to where _he_ used to be and not able to reach back. And sometimes, when Magnus is engrossed in working, he toys with the space on his finger where his engagement ring used to be. Alec brushes his thumb over the back of his own seeking reassurance and finding none.

On a shelf close to their couch just a few weeks earlier sat a growing collection of things for their wedding. Files filled with seating plans and various other arrangements, swatches of fabric for their clothes. When Alec looks now it holds a box that he knows contains mementos from Magnus' past. All the people he's loved before him, all the relationships there were never meant to be. Alec doesn't even get to be a part of that. He doesn't have to worry about one day leaving Magnus behind, because he won't be. He's been erased from Magnus' existence already, the pain of losing him nothing he'll ever experience.

Alec lets himself cry for all that he's losing, indulging in sorrow before reaffirming his fight. There has to be something he's missing, some clue in that building or here on these shelves that will explain what is happening. That will help him find his way back.

"Hello?"

Alec freezes where he is crouched down looking at the shelf, only drawing himself up to full height when he gets cramp in his legs. Magnus pads softly through the loft in search of whatever has woken him, leaving Alec guilty that it was his tears that might have done just that. He watches Magnus come to a stop in front of a mirror, stands behind him and pleads with Magnus to see him back.

"I'm right here," he whispers, close enough that it makes Magnus shiver. Though Magnus doesn't see him at all, only sighs and makes his way back to bed.

* * *

Lately, Magnus has found himself looking harder in the mirror, finding more reasons to be critical of everything he sees. He doesn't think he's ever liked himself, though Magnus is sure that more recently he'd been easier on himself than he is currently. What he's looking for in his reflection he doesn't know, yet Magnus is sure it's not him he's looking for at all. The sense that someone else will be staring back at him hasn't gone since the first time he'd thought it several weeks ago.

Magnus tugs on his shirt, adamant he won't listen to the thoughts he's been having, refusing to believe he's currently sharing his home. Nothing is out of place even if he does think someone is watching him. No spells have signaled trouble or indicated that he isn't alone. He scowls once more at his reflection then steps away to open a portal, purposely busying himself so he doesn't have to concentrate on the recent news. The Downworld Alliance has been agreed and is rising, conveniently meeting in the Seelie Court after trouble brewed between Shadowhunters and Downworlders in New York.

Magnus has no doubt it was the Seelie Queen's doing. Creating a diversion that would highlight the Shadowhunter prejudice against Downworlders. He doesn't even, for once, know the full details of it, nor does he want to. Magnus just wants to be long gone so he can't be called upon to get involved.

Magnus lands in a familiar apartment in Canggu that greets him with a blast of loneliness that doubles him over. There are things missing, he's sure that there are. Books not on the shelves where they should be. Clothes not in the closet. He'd thought he'd escape his uninvited guest coming here on top of everything else. And though he can feel they aren't truly with him an echo of them remains. Memories that are not his own assault him putting heat in his core, making Magnus stare at the bed expecting to find a version of himself intertwined there with someone.

He feels like an intruder in his own space, witness to an echo of a life he doesn't know. Confusion hits him in waves, unsubtle reminders that everything he knows is wrong. Magnus sags into the nearest armchair snapping his fingers for a bottle of bourbon and a glass, intending to drown his sorrows for things he doesn't know.

* * *

Alec knows the moment Magnus is gone. The invisible walls that have thinned over time rush in and thicken around him, muffling his vision and hearing once again. Alec tries to adjust, stumbling with one hand out to guide his way. He stumbles a path between the statues in the building that has erased him from the minds of everyone, unable to make out a single thing he sees.

It takes him hours and near-accidents before Alec finds his way to their apartment, the closed door not the only sign of no one being home. He can't grip the handle, can't raise his hand to knock. His arm passes straight through as he tries it and Alec slips through into the apartment as the ghost he's become. The loft is eerily silent, even more than it has been the past few weeks. It isn't until he looks down at his own feet he realizes he is floating. Mimicking footsteps while never touching the ground. Has he been dead all this time and only just know acknowledged it? Does no one mention it because he's gone? Wouldn't any of them mourn him if he left, Alec asks himself, fighting the urge to collapse in defeat? Did he make so little an impact on this world that no one would grieve for his passing at all?

When he's cried himself out with tears that don't scatter anywhere, Alec makes himself think of the facts. The time that has passed might be creeping into the beginning of months, but not enough has passed that no one wouldn't hold on to his memory. No one has aged enough to show they are over his loss. And even if that sounds arrogant in his own head Alec clings to the hope that people would miss him more than they currently are, which is not at all.

Alec makes his way through his and Magnus' apartment aching for how much he misses this home. It isn't one currently, not without Magnus in it. The loft is just a shell of accommodation and nothing more. His need to be here isn't even present in Magnus' absence. Alec finds himself back outside navigating his way through the streets, visiting all the places he knows. It takes forever since he can barely check directions for everything being blurry. Voices that are familiar still sound distant even when he is sure he is near them. Everything aches with the effort of trying.

The Hunters Moon gives him a headache, and the Jade Wolf makes his stomach churn. Alec wants to eat, can't remember the last time he really did. Though the assault of smells when he can barely see what's in front of him puts everything off balance. Alec clutches his head when he makes it back outside the restaurant gulping in fresh air, confused signals firing in his brain for being able to feel _himself_ but nothing else.

On a whim, Alec goes to the police precinct seeking out Luke. He's not sure how he will find him but then doesn't need to try at all. In the parking lot he senses Luke more than he sees him, talking in hushed tones with Raphael. Alec hears Magnus' name and strains harder to hear. Though instead of an update on where Magnus might be Alec hears news of a Downworlder uprising that's going to start a war. They talk about the High Warlock of Brooklyn and it takes a while for Alec to realize they are talking about a separate person from Magnus, leaving Alec to wonder when in this mess he'd been demoted. Indignation prickles beneath Alec's skin as he continues to listen, wanting to defend their accusations of Magnus running away from the storm approaching. Even if they both understand his reasons for going, both Luke and Raphael sound disappointed in Magnus. Alec wants to walk away, fury flaring in his stomach making him want to lash out. Though he can't; this is the most up to date with what is happening in the world he's felt in weeks.

How can he have been gone so long that everything they built with the Downworld Cabinet has crumbled? How can all they have worked for lead to this? Nothing about this makes any sense at all. Though when Luke's suspicion of the Seelie Queen's involvement is echoed by Raphael, Alec thinks he knows the source of all of their troubles, including his own.

Alec makes his way to the Seelie Court, gliding as though being tugged home. It is the most unsettling feeling that he tries to fight but can't, finding himself in a forest of looming trees and whispering insects. Still on a path determined by somebody else.

When he steps into a clearing and all eyes turn to him, Alec experiences the strangest mix of relief and trepidation. The Seelie Queen observes him with a knowing smile, fluidly rising to her feet as she walks closer.

"Alec Lightwood. Welcome home."

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Once, when he was a child, Magnus had gotten lost when playing on a stretch of beach with friends. The rocks they had clambered over looked different in the dark. And though they'd huddled together for safety and comfort for a while, Magnus had found himself alone.

Too frightened to move, Magnus had tucked up small with his back to a rock, listening to the waves crash around him. He'd been sure he would drown, the beginnings of tears leaking down his cheeks as the sea seeped into the place where he was hiding. Over the sound of those waves, Magnus remembers hearing a voice, a crystal clear enchantment coming to take him home. Magnus still feels his legs tremble as they had that day when he had stood, fallen into his mother's arms and wept as she'd carried him. Her warmth lulling him to sleep even before he made it to his bed.

Magnus still hears her voice sometimes, in moments when there is little else to soothe him. It is bittersweet for the memory of everything that followed, though he holds on to it tight regardless. He wakes from a dream with a smile on his face for remembering his mother's sweetness, of the dancing and singing, and joy that had once filled his life.

Sometimes he wishes he had someone to share those cherished memories with. Someone who he can live a life with and make more treasured memories with of their own. He thinks of a kitchen where he and this person prepare dinner together, sharing the moments of their days until any grievances from them are gone. Here, in this apartment, Magnus feels an echo of such memories, though knows no place in his world where they could belong. He has closed himself off from the world, specifically to evade all the hurt of being used, or left, or unwanted. Perhaps this whisper of a life lived with love is a result of that. Wishful thinking for a life he'll never know.

Magnus stands on the balcony of his beach apartment soaking in the last of the daylight as he thinks of home. New York is on the verge of change that is going to mean a shift in the Shadow World that he doesn't want to be a part of. Yet he can't stay away forever; there are friends he needs to know are okay, battles he doesn't want to fight yet can't avoid.

Magnus drains the last of his drink and takes one final gulp of the sea air, conjuring a portal and heading for home.

* * *

"You can see me."

"Of course I can see you," the Seelie Queen replies, her eyes dropping to Alec's chest as though she can hear his heart beating from where she is stood.

"Where am I?"

"You know where you are."

"But where am I really?" Alec demands, so thankful that someone can see him that in this moment he doesn't even care who it is he's speaking to. Though that comes back to him as she begins to pace with that goading authority he so dislikes.

"Between one world and another."

"In another realm?" Alec guesses since this is all he can think about. Another dimension or realm feel so much more likely than another reality. The Queen's slight nod seems to confirm that.

"You are where you are needed currently."

"How did I get here?" he asks, sure he knows the answer, sure the person pacing in front of him holds the key to so much.

"Curiosity," she replies, coming to a stop and observing him. " _Your_ curiosity."

"Curiosity? No," Alec denies. "We were patrolling. We heard there was a breach or something that we needed to investigate."

"And yet, all your colleagues returned untouched. It is you who felt the need to take a path others did not follow."

"A path _you_ wanted me to take."

"One that you did take, willingly. Nobody can force you to do anything. You know that."

"But you created that… you're the one who created the breach so I would go there," Alec insists, knowing it's true with his entire being, and cursing at himself for having fallen for it.

"Does the Head of the New York Institute usually attend to the trifling matters of the Downworld?" the Seelie Queen asks.

"I attend to whatever needs attending to, to keep our world safe," Alec retorts, catching a triumphant glint in her eye that he really doesn't like.

"I asked if the Head of the New York Institute did such things. Not you."

Alec knows what she is meaning and feels sick. He doesn't exist in this world, he isn't the Head of the Institute. Whoever they are might react totally differently to him. In fact, Alec thinks, his heart beginning to race again, he isn't even sure there is a single person running the Institute these days. Sometimes when he visits it is Jace, or Izzy working where he usually sits. On other occasions it is someone unfamiliar that Alec has to assume has been sent by the Clave.

"What's this about an uprising?" he asks trying to focus his thoughts, his stomach dropping for the delight in her eyes for his words.

"Only the restoration of power to those who have been without it for too long. Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"If it doesn't concern me, then why am I here?"

"You are my guest," she replies, waving an arm that sends a swarm of Seelies scattering, only to return with plateaus of food. Alec is suddenly starving, far hungrier than he has ever been in his life. He can't stop himself from sinking to his knees and devouring all that is in front of him, washing it back with a drink that tastes of honey.

"Am I the kind of guest that gets to leave?" Alec asks when the Queen sinks down beside him and selects a piece of fruit.

"Where could you possibly go? Why would you want to?"

"I have a life here."

"You _had_ a life here," she corrects. "You do not now."

"I can't just be here, suspended like this, wherever this is."

Alec doesn't mean to let desperation seep into his words knowing she will use it against him. But the thought of being so close to home and yet still trapped seems almost worse than being lost altogether.

"Look," the Queen says as she rises to her feet with a huff of impatience, Seelies sweeping in to clean up the mess she's made. "You are a welcome guest of the Seelie Court until such time as I choose to banish you. Which I may choose to do if you keep asking questions that are a waste of my time."

Alec finds he is too tired to fight. Either it's the food, or the fact that he doesn't remember sleeping in all the time he's been gone. But Alec lets himself be led away to a clearing that is apparently all his own. His head touches a pillow filled with the softest of feathers on a bed that he sinks into in exhaustion, and Alec knows no more.

* * *

There are the beginnings of a war brewing beyond his window, yet the only thought occupying Magnus' mind is that his visitor is gone. He's grown used to the company even though whoever they are isn't really here. Magnus finds himself lost without them, enough to ache for them being gone.

He waves his arms commanding a change of decor that might lift his mood, though every change he tries just doesn't belong. Magnus ends up with the layout and furnishings he began with, exhausted for his efforts. He crawls into bed and sleeps fitfully for being so alone.

When he wakes, Magnus forces himself to make some calls, gaining an idea of just how bad things have escalated in his absence with a growing sense of alarm. The warlocks of the city are too fearful to disobey Lorenzo Rey's orders with the threat of banishment looming over their heads, so follow his instructions to join forces with the other Downworlders ready to lay siege on the Institute.

If only they were brave enough to question those instructions. If only they knew Lorenzo's magic was so mediocre that he hasn't the ability to banish them anywhere.

Some, like Catarina, Magnus is relieved to discover are holding back. They aren't in direct defiance of Lorenzo's wishes yet also aren't doing his bidding. The more warlocks Magnus can convince to take this stance instead of participating in a fight that is going to bring change to their world no one will benefit from, the more he can hope for an outcome that isn't as horrifying as he is imagining.

Magnus works tirelessly, visiting warlocks in person when he can, and calling or sending fire messages to those who refuse to see him when he can't. He is nothing, a nobody here, only a warlock with exceptional powers — that he doesn't use, that he curses himself both for having and not doing enough with. Yet he still seems to make enough sense to have some influence. When Magnus crawls into bed three days later he can do it with a clear conscience that he's done all he can to help.

Once rested, Magnus visits both Raphael and Luke, alarmed that they seem so resigned to this uprising that they aren't willing to object to it at all.

"Magnus," Luke says, glancing over his shoulder at the wolf pack gathering. "What choice do we have here?"

"You have many choices," Magnus urges him, desperate to reach him even if he knows he can't. "Lucien. We cannot allow the Seelie Queen to wield this power over the Downworld. Who knows what she will demand in the future if we go through with this?"

"You think it's better that the Clave gets away with slaughtering Downworlders? That they break every last one of the Accords then punish us when we dare to do the same?"

"Slaughter? What slaughter?" Magnus says shaking his head, the details of whatever led to this unrest in the Downworld still not clear.

"Magnus," Luke says, irritable and impatient. "The patrol that started all this. The patrol that cut off the head of two young Seelies out on the street in full view of everyone; including Mundanes. You can't tell me that isn't something we need to stand up to. We can't let this go unchallenged, you know that. What happens next if we do?"

It doesn't make sense. Magnus pushes through his thoughts trying to distinguish what he knows from what is true. There is a flash of memory that speaks of this violence Luke is describing that doesn't feel like it belongs there in his thoughts, and a dozen other, blurrier images he can't even make out properly, but seem more real.

Luke's belief in this story feels false, implanted, though strong enough to make his eyes wild with hate. Nothing rings true; no vampire, werewolf, or warlock has ever blindly trusted a Seelie. There has to be more happening here than he can see.

Luke refuses to hear his protests, dismisses Magnus as though he is in his way. Magnus returns to his loft apartment in a daze trying to piece things together from all the conversations he's been having. He is exhausted, feeling these past few months have been the longest of his entire life.

* * *

Alec wakes confused, reaching for Magnus across the bed. When his hand brushes against fabric instead of skin he leaps up in a panic, looking all around him before remembering where he is. His demands to see the Queen are unmet. Alec is instead left to work his way through breakfast and a shower before stepping into Seelie clothes that fit him far too perfectly for him to be comfortable.

"Why am I here?" he asks when the Seelie Queen finally grants him an audience.

"The Mundanes have a saying. Killing two birds with one stone."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, you are exactly where I want you. You are free to leave, of course, if you wish to return to the shadows. Why not stay here, explore our realm, enjoy our hospitalities?"

"Because Seelie hospitalities always come at a price."

"So cynical," the Queen replies. "I already have everything from you I could possibly want."

"What about what _I_ want?" Alec demands, drawing himself up to full height yet still feeling small in the Queen's dismissive presence.

"What could you possibly want that we haven't already provided for you here?"

"My life? My home?" Alec says, his mind filling with thoughts of Magnus, though sure he shouldn't say his name out loud. Not here.

"You have to understand that you are not  _lost_ to all who once knew you. You simply never existed in their world."

"Then reverse it. Whatever you did to me."

"It is you who chose that path. This is not something that can be reversed. You can only go forward. Onwards and only forwards."

"I need my life back," Alec says, frustration creeping into his voice even though he tries to control it.

"This is your life now," the Queen replies, turning from Alec in dismissal leaving him standing alone in yet another clearing he can barely distinguish from his own.

Alec begins to walk, determined he will find his way out of this forest, even if he gets back to his own world as that ghost. He walks in circles, never straying far from his own clearing no matter how far he travels. The edge of his vision is misty in places that he tries to push through, thinking what he is familiar with will be on the other side of it. Yet Alec still manages to end up where he is standing now.

Frustrated, Alec returns to his clearing, gritting his teeth at all the little comforts that have been provided to make him feel less imprisoned. He eats because he's starving, drinks until his thirst is parched, then falls into a fitful sleep dreaming of home.

* * *

Nothing in the world feels right. Magnus roams the streets listening as people are talking, uncertainty and discomfort the flavor of every mood. It is like the city is waiting, and watching, knowing some catastrophe is about to arrive. There has to be some way to stop it but Magnus doesn't know how.

Centuries ago when, Magnus was a much younger warlock, he'd been filled with the idealism of being a leader of sorts. The title of _High Warlock_ was one he secretly coveted yet never thought he deserved. Magnus is forever aware of the blood that runs through his veins and the things he was capable of under the influence of his father. He's spent a lifetime trying to  _forget._

He has lived through decades of decadence, spent years drifting from one party to another. The quiet life suits him now, or that it does is a lie he can believe of himself. Being small and insignificant avoids trouble, and feeling, and getting hurt too badly. Though Magnus doesn't know how he could stand to be passive when something here is so clearly very wrong.

It's the sense he has that everything around him is slightly blurred, that there are truths hidden within untruths and things he should hear unheard. Magnus doesn't believe for a second that it's a coincidence the Seelie Queen is offering a solution to their trouble, unable to shift the idea she is the one behind it all. It's not his place to confront her. He has no reason to enter the Seelie Court. Though if he lends himself out as errand boy to Lorenzo, perhaps he can get another audience. What that will accomplish Magnus doesn't know, yet still has the feeling he should try.

With bile in his throat at even offering his services, Magnus makes his way across the city, plans forming and unforming on the way. He swallows back his dislike of the current High Warlock of Brooklyn and fixes on a bitter smile, raising his hand to knock on the door of Lorenzo's home as he tries to quieten his heart.

* * *

The Court is agitated. Alec can feel it as he makes his way through the forest, every being within it vibrating with life. Excited chatter seems to follow him everywhere he moves, though when he gets to the edge of the Queen's inner circle Alec finds his path barred.

"Why can't I go in there?" he asks, pressing bodily against the spear that would block his way.

"The Queen has a special visitor," the Seelie guard replies, his disdain for Alec dripping from every word.

"One that I can't see?"

"One that you can't know," the guard tells him, shoving him back.

Another guard joins the first forming a wall Alec can't get through. He stands his ground for a few seconds before thinking it isn't worth it, uninterested in the secrets of the Seelie Court. Though the sound of Magnus' voice almost brings him to his knees. Alec is grabbed back and dragged away even as he screams for him. The Seelies show him no violence, though their cruelty is so sharp Alec can't even form words. He hammers his hands against the invisible restraints holding him in his clearing until his wrists are red and his eyes raw.

"Why won't you let me see him?" he asks, voice croaking through the last of his tears.

Alec's guards are unmoved by his trauma, staring blankly forward and uninterested.

" _Please_."

"If the Queen wished for you to meet her guests, the Queen would invite you herself."

"But it's Magnus. It's _Magnus_."

"The Queen's decisions are not for us to know. Only her rules to follow."

"You will see him when it is time."

Alec stumbles back at the sudden appearance of the Seelie Queen, viciously wiping tears from his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"What needs to be done. For far too long your people have ruled over mine. You have no interest in equality—"

"I—we were working on that. The Downworld Cabinet—"

"Was ineffective under your rule. Your emotions cloud your judgment, Alec Lightwood. Your intentions may have been pure, yet your influence over the Clave was minimal at best."

"What does any of this have to do with Magnus?" Alec pleads, far beyond the stage of pretending to not be upset.

"Everything."

"What does that mean?"

"It means his relationship with you weakened you both. It means your loyalty to one another threatened everything else. The Clave distrusted you the moment Magnus became a part of your life, and Downworlders lost faith in him when you entered his."

"That's not true."

"I have no reason nor ability to be untruthful with you," the Seelie Queen says, smiling at him. "This is better for you both. We will have this uprising. Order will be restored to our world. Your sacrifice is noted."

"My sacrifice is noted?" Alec bites out, fists clenched down by his sides.

The Seelie Queen's gaze falls to them unconcerned before she looks back at his face. "It is obvious there is love between you. At least, on your part. You are barely a lingering memory to Magnus now, and all those who you once cared about."

"No. _No_."

"If you were truly selfless, you would allow Magnus get on with his life without your interference. Let him find his way in the world; perhaps find love with one of his own kind."

"But—"

"Alec," she says, smiling with a glint in her eye the belies the sympathy in the rest of her expression. "Magnus Bane is a powerful warlock. Surely you don't believe a little spell would be enough to suppress his memory of you, if you were really someone he wanted to remember?"

The Queen walks away before he can answer leaving Alec's heart racing and his thoughts in a daze. He collapses on to the bed behind him, hands coming up to cradle his head. Refusing to believe what his self-doubt whispers at him not to deny.

* * *

The Queen was far too pleased to see him. Magnus thinks this as he makes his way back to the loft, dwelling over all he'd seen. He gets almost to his apartment building before remembering the message he needed to relay to Lorenzo. Magnus pictures the gleeful anticipation that had rippled around the Court and turns on his heel, heading to Lorenzo's instead.

Magnus knows he is missing something. He takes the condescending tone of Lorenzo without comment, returning home and fixing himself a scotch. And then another, grimacing at the taste as he takes big gulps watching over the city, wondering when and where this uprising will erupt. Will they head straight for the Institute? Cause trouble on the streets to lure Shadowhunters away? Then storm the building like some medieval castle siege, the Downworlders united in overturning their oppression?

Magnus understands their intentions, he even shares their views to a point. Yet though he doesn't approve of many of the Accords Magnus has always found a way to live within them. Perhaps the _privilege_ of being useful to the Clave allows Magnus a certain perspective other Downworlders don't have the chance to see. Though Magnus needs no convincing that there is a better alternative to starting an all-out war. There always has been.

What is it the rest of the Downworlders are seeing that he is not?

Magnus paces the loft too agitated to even pretend to be sleeping. He feels the lack of that presence deeply this evening, almost wishes there was a way to summon it back. He stares into several mirrors hoping for them to appear, then sits on his bed with the bedroom door wide open only disappointed when he calls out and nothing answers back.

It is almost four in the morning when an idea forms for Magnus that is too simple to be an answer. He pauses mid glass to his lips having drained most of the bottle, wishing his mind clear enough to perform the task he has in mind. Magnus snatches up a notepad and pen from his nightstand scribbling himself a note to read later in the morning, then topples back across the mattress without spilling a drop of scotch, and promptly passes out.

* * *

Alec is plotting. He listens to the guards speaking when they think he won't hear them, recognizing the suits of armor as symbols of an approaching war. The insects might only spill their secrets to the Queen yet the very air feels in a frenzy with their arrival, as though they were carried in on some malignant air to deliver their messages.

Something is happening in the city. There were whispers and nudges about disquiet amongst the Downworlders even when he walked without being seen. Alec remembers peering over the shoulders of Shadowhunters in the control room seeing reports of disputes and arguments. The Downworlders seeming at odds with everything the Clave does even more than before.

Not that he blames them. And while Alec doesn't approve of the Queen's tactics, he can't help but feel guilty that he hasn't done enough. She is right, the Clave has been distrustful of him for a while now. Though it's wrong to pin that on Magnus. The burden that is the Lightwood name tarnished Alec's image long before Magnus came along.

Alec won't believe Magnus doesn't love him until he tells him to his face. He will allow himself to be selfish in only this, needs to know with full certainty there isn't any part of their relationship to go back to. He doesn't believe it for a minute, not for all they have shared together, not for all of the life they are yet to experience as one.

Alec remembers Magnus' proposal. How he'd got down on one knee with tears spilling down his cheeks, telling him over and over how much he needed him in his life. Alec doesn't care that it came on the back of an argument, that his fear of leaving Magnus behind and Magnus' fear of losing him erupted into angry words. Their love is something timeless even if they never can be, and there is not a person in this world that has known them together who could deny that.

His engagement ring is heavy on his finger as he turns it, Alec refusing to take it off ever since Magnus slid it on. It is his anchor to reality, his conviction when everything around him tries to convince him otherwise. He will get back to Magnus if it's the last thing he is capable of, whatever it takes.

Though now is not the time to think of Magnus. Alec stores his thoughts of him away in the corner of his mind, focusing on the agitation in the surrounding forest. Something is coming, something big, something that will change everything. It feels like there are chess pieces being moved into position, and Alec needs to oversee the board to know when each side might strike.

He hears of patrols, of planned diversions, realizing and feeling sick for what he thinks is to be done. Alec wants to run to the Institute, to warn them of the storm coming. To beg whoever is in charge now not to fall for the whispers and rumors designed to bring the Clave down.

* * *

Bacon. Egg. Sausage. These are the things Magnus needs to start his day along with a full pot of coffee. He refuses to rid himself of his hangover knowing that he's earned it, groaning his way through a shower when he's finished and massaging at his temples. The coolness of the tiles are soothing pressed against his forehead. Magnus feels so ill that he takes himself back to bed half-swaddled in his bath towel, curling up beneath the comforter and tucking it beneath his chin. So it isn't until he's awake hours later that, on returning from the bathroom, he sees his hastily scribbled note. He sits on the edge of the bed as he tries to read it, wondering which client it is intended for, before realizing what he'd meant.

It makes sense, he thinks, fingers snapping to conjure magic that he aims at his head and chest to rid him of his suffering. In all his attempts to find out about his silent intruder, Magnus should have used his magic on himself instead of the apartment. Magnus dresses in a hurry, gulping back juice and quickly cleaning up the kitchen before walking room to room as he has been doing for months. He snaps his fingers, mutters an incantation meant to make his mind shift, both horrified and overjoyed at what he now sees.

Magnus charges his way to the Seelie Court not bothering to make an excuse for an invitation, an angry gaze turned on anyone who tries to cross his path. The Seelies knew, all of them, every last one are in on this secret. Magnus storms through the forest in furious strides, sending would-be guards flying with ease if they attempt to stop him.

"I don't remember inviting you in," the Queen says, her voice filled with irritation, agitation in her every movement no matter how small.

"Where is he?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she says, though her eyes tell a different story sending a scowl to her side.

Could he be here in this very clearing, staring at him, willing Magnus to see? Magnus turns around jolting back and forth seeking him out, but there is too much Seelie in the air to pick up that presence from his apartment.

"I won't ask again," Magnus tells her, fury surging through his veins, his father's blood pumping through his heart. He must be a sight for the way the Queen looks doubtful for the first time he has ever seen. Magnus watches her eyes dart to the side again and has his answer. "Show me."

"A Queen does not give in to demands."

"Show me. _Now_."

The air crackles with Magnus' fury enough to send several approaching guards several paces back. An urgency wells up in his heart as he watches the Queen's expression, ready to strike no matter the consequences.

"As you wish," she replies, snapping her fingers without snatching her eyes away from Magnus. He fights to look away then has to for the spiral forming in the air to her side.

Magnus watches a pinprick of light appear in the center, holding his breath as it grows in size. Every memory of the love he shared with him. Every second of the life they lived together. Every moment he's spent cherishing the person he gets to call his own flings itself at Magnus, that light fading to show tear-filled hazel eyes staring back. His hands are up as though pressed at the inside of a mirror, Magnus' name repeatedly forming on his lips as he tries to call out. A violent sob erupts from Magnus' own mouth as he steps nearer, the entire world disappearing all around them.

"Alec?"

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

" _Back_."

Alec calls out in protest as the Seelie Queen turns her hand in a gesture meant to keep them apart.

"Why are you doing this?" Alec asks, unable to snatch his eyes from Magnus now he's finally here and seeing him.

"I have already answered that."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't a good answer."

"Be grateful, Shadowhunter, that I am answering you at all."

Magnus is staring back at him in disbelief. Alec aches to wrap him up in his arms.

"Can he hear me?"

"No."

"But I can hear him."

" _Enough_."

Alec loses the ability to speak with a snap of the Queens fingers, watching Magnus' eyes flare wide and desperate as he seeks him out. Despair makes Alec's heart race as Magnus turns this way and that looking for him, pleading with him silently to _feel_ where he is standing.

"Bring him back," Magnus demands, though there is no command left in his voice.

"That is something I cannot do."

"You put him there."

"Your accusations do not give me the power to retrieve him. Or the desire."

Alec doesn't believe her, and neither, from the look on his face, does Magnus.

"This is a Seelie dimension, that all Seelies are able to see, yet cannot reach themselves. We are able to pass items through to your Shadowhunter so that he doesn't starve or go without comfort; we Seelies are nothing if not hospitable."

"He wouldn't need your hospitality if you hadn't put him there in the first place," Magnus growls back at her, his fury building up again.

"He put himself there."

"You gave him the reason to step through to this dimension," Magnus retorts. "What was it? Did you trick him into thinking something was happening to  _me_?"

"Your ego is astonishing," the Queen replies, though Magnus has the truth of it in a way. Alec would face any peril to find him no matter the consequences. Even if that isn't what happened to him in this case.

"There has to be some way to reach him," Magnus says, desperation creeping into his every word.

"You know he is here. You know he is safe. What more to do you want?"

"I want my fiancé back," Magnus growls, and Alec's heart gives a flutter for it. Magnus remembers him. He remembers everything. Magnus isn't lost to him, not at all.

"You have him back."

"He's not even _here_."

"And yet you _knew_ he was here. Otherwise, you wouldn't be trespassing in my forest attempting to cause a scene. It is rare that anyone other than a Seelie can see into this dimension," the Queen adds looking between the two of them in a way Alec really doesn't like. "Your love for one another must be something powerful."

"Just bring him back."

The anguish in Magnus' voice is more than Alec can handle. He moves forward thinking to embrace him even if he is unseen. The Seelie Queen raises her hand again and sends a charge in his direction that prevents him from moving anywhere.

"I told you. This is a dimension you can only reach from one side. If your Shadowhunter wants to leave, he will need to find his way through the other side it. Which is inadvisable," she adds, turning to look at Alec. "Most have died trying."

"Most. But not all," Magnus says, even though Alec is stuck on the thought of how many others the Seelie Queen may have tricked into coming here. Or for what purpose.

"No one with angelic blood has ever reached the other side of that dimension. Which, if you must know, would bring him back here to you."

"How can there be another side of this thing if it brings me back to where I'm supposed to be?" Alec demands, missing Magnus' own question.

"Many things are not as you would believe them to be."

"You are half-angel," Magnus says, both he and Alec turning to look at the Queen.

"Those with angel blood have perished when attempting to leave that dimension," she replies, putting thoughts in Alec's mind of a punishment the Queen might inflict on her own people when they do her wrong.

There has to be a way around it. Alec goes over and over the potential in her words sure there is a loophole or twist meaning she is telling an untruth by not lying at all. From the look on Magnus' face, he is thinking the same thing.

"This dimension doesn't take away memories of those left behind," Magnus says then, certainty in his voice that leaves Alec's heart leaping.

"I have never suggested that it did."

"Then it _was_ you. You did this to me," Alec says, struggling against his invisible restraints to turn to face her. "You stopped everyone I've ever known remembering I even existed."

"If one has remembered," she replies, nodding towards Magnus, who looks on confused for only hearing half of the conversation, "then perhaps others will too."

"Then—"

"Rest now," she commands, another blast of something hitting Alec's chest sending him backward. The familiarity of his clearing in the forest seeps in at him even as he protests out his groan. The softness of his bed beneath him is the last thing Alec feels before sleep comes to claim him, sure the last thing he hears is Magnus being banished.

* * *

Magnus picks himself up from the floor where he just landed after being thrown and tries to force his way back inside. There is a shield all around the edge of the Seelie Court that presses him backward until Magnus has no choice but to return to the city. His first instinct is to go to the Institute; not so that the Clave can know about Alec, because he doesn't think for a moment they would help, but to talk to Izzy. In forgetting _Alec_ , he's forgotten his _sister_ , forgot the family he's now a part of by all but name. It's only the reminder of oncoming uprising that stops Magnus from going; a warlock on the grounds of the Institute might be seen as a threat.

That blurring to his thoughts is gone now, he can visibly see the patches of Seelie magic that have melded over the truths in his mind. This _slaughter_ of Seelies a Shadowhunter patrol is being accused of and plenty more atrocities aside are nothing but a seed of thought planted by the Seelie Queen.

This might be the answer. Magnus can use his magic to target the memories of others, so they can separate the truth from what the Seelie Queen has planted. Though fear that ideas about _him_ might currently be being planted too makes Magnus reach out for only his oldest and dearest of friends. Catarina is surprised to see him at the hospital, though judging by the jacket she is shrugging into is heading for home.

"So it isn't so much a thought she's broadcasting for people to read, but the suggestion of something that we all fear the Clave is capable of," Catarina summarizes as they make their way back to his apartment after Magnus has explained his thoughts.

"Seelie magic is all about manipulation of what is already there, along with deception, mistruths, and coercion."

"So the Seelie Queen has done little but play on our worst fears."

"Exactly."

"What aren't you telling me?" Catarina asks, turning to him with a knowing smile as they enter his apartment. She rolls her neck and kicks off her shoes before waiting to hear him answering, clearly exhausted from her day at work.

He hasn't mentioned Alec. He doesn't know how to talk about Alec. Magnus hurts so much for all these months of Alec not being here, even if for so many of them he _was_. It's so obvious now that _Alec_ was that presence here in the apartment, that it was _Alec_ who he heard crying so many times when he couldn't see him. Magnus is barely holding on to his own anguish thinking of all Alec has been through so alone in the world, but he has to focus now. So other people can remember Alec as well.

"It will be easier to show you," he tells Catarina, not sure how easy it will be to lift the magic that hid Alec from him on anyone but himself. Though within seconds Catarina's face is clear and full of recognition, clutching his arm and more alarmed than he thinks he's ever seen.

" _Alec_."

"She has him trapped," Magnus says, fighting with his voice to not be breaking already. There are too many things they have to do and now is really not the time.

"Oh, Magnus," she says, which doesn't help, particularly when she pulls him into his arms and he clings on like a lifeline.

"I need to get him back."

"We _will_."

"We were going to be married," he says, his heart breaking at the thought of losing everything he never thought he'd have in his world.

"You _are_  going to be married," Catarina insists, ducking her head with a look that says Magnus has to believe her words. "Madzie will throw a fit if she can't wear that dress we bought."

Magnus closes his eyes, picturing their apartment how it _should_ be with evidence of Alec everywhere. Alec's face lighting up in delight as Madzie shows off her flower girl dress by giving a twirl just feet from where they are sat now. It's too much.

"This is powerful magic she has been using."

"It's powerful because it fed on fears," Catarina replies, which makes the most sense of all of this.

Magnus' head feels like it might explode. All this reclaiming of his knowledge is a pressure beneath his skull that he needs time to adjust to, though time isn't something that he has. "We need to speak to Lorenzo."

Catarina's eyes blow wide, her grip on his arms so tight Magnus half-wonders if she might be about to fall. "You. You were the High Warlock."

"I was," Magnus agrees, the responsibility of it pressing hard on his neck and frustration bubbling in his chest for duties he now can't perform.

"Everything here was deliberate."

Magnus is overwhelmed, weighed down by the enormity of the task ahead, and all that is lost to him now. He clutches on to Catarina drawing on her strength to keep him up, then pulls back to fix them a drink and starts to plan.

* * *

"How are you at chess?"

Alec looks up from where he's slumped on his bed, an unnatural lethargy making him weak. This too is the Seelie Queen, stealing his energy so he can't explore or go poking around. Yet much of this heavy feeling in his heart is for seeing Magnus, for not being able to reach for him when he was so close. The thought that he might be trapped in this dimension with no way out keeps welling up fresh panic in his heart. Yet Alec is determined to keep his expression neutral, refusing to show his fear so she can gloat.

"Reasonable."

"Then let's play," she says, with a careless wave of her arm that sees a number of Seelies enter to set up a table and chairs. "Though of course, where you are, means you will only be able to point at the pieces for me to move by myself."

He wants to make a comment about how fitting that is for this situation. Alec instead drags himself up without even a grumble, sinking into the low woven chair.

"You have to understand that there are reasons for everything. That every one of us is but a pawn in a game."

Alec points at a chess piece when she indicates he is to go first, but doesn't say a thing.

"Your warlock is one of the most powerful I have met in my entire life. He is more powerful than even he is aware of."

Alec thinks of Magnus' father, wondering how much of that power comes from a force Magnus wants nothing to do with yet always fears is a side of him over which he has no control. Again he gestures at the board, not trusting himself to speak.

"He is even more powerful for being loved," the Queen adds, which has Alec's head snapping up to look.

"Which means what?"

"With you by his side? Magnus' natural abilities were awakened purely by a newfound confidence. He didn't need you to access those abilities, yet they flowed much easier for Magnus believing in himself."

Alec has a suspicion that he won't allow to form into a full thought, not without the Queen revealing more. "It's your turn."

"In any case," she says with a careless flick of her fingers that claims one of his pieces, "Magnus was far too strong-willed to listen to any other opinions."

"You mean, Magnus was too powerful for you to manipulate," Alec translates, not bothering to hide his disdain.

The Queen answers that with only a flicker of a smile, her eyes sweeping over the board in apparent concentration. "Lorenzo Rey is the perfect High Warlock — for me."

"You have no influence over warlock politics."

"I didn't," she agrees, toying with one of her pieces, and another piece of the puzzle in Alec's head clicks into place.

"You did something. To make everyone believe Lorenzo Rey was the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

"Lorenzo is so filled with self-importance already. He would believe any bluff that sees him as more powerful than he is."

"Magnus would never let some other warlock just walk in and take over like that," Alec says, furious at the implication.

"Which is why I needed for you to go on your little walk."

Alec remembers that chamber, the echo of the building, the dread that had trickled through his veins. He shakes his head to rid it of the images, waving a careless hand for the Queen to move his next piece.

"With you gone from Magnus' world, it was easier to make him believe he had so little to fight for. That he was content with living a life so small. And, given your… influence, at the Institute—"

"I thought you said I _had_ no influence?" Alec argues, and if his anger results in some kind of punishment, he no longer cares.

"The Clave thinks highly of you even if they do not respect you," the Queen says, poised and calm. "The Shadowhunters you work with look up to and respect you. As do your siblings."

"Nobody remembers me," Alec says, refusing to allow the image of Izzy not knowing he even exists to enter his mind.

"All the pieces are in place."

Alec's head hurts, understanding now all that has happened, wondering if anything can be changed about what is to come and fearing it's already too late.

"Once you were safely in that dimension, all traces of you disappeared."

"Because of that dimension?"

"Perhaps I assisted in those who loved you knowing one of their worst fears."

"Which is?"

"You, being gone from their world."

"But they don't even _know_ me," he protests, hating the triumph in her smile.

"Because I am not cruel. How painful would it have been for them all to have to mourn your passing? Alec; you wouldn't want that for them, now would you?"

Alec grits his teeth, folding his arms and sitting back in his chair, refusing to keep playing if he has no power over anything else.

"Of course," she adds, "if Magnus had to mourn you, I have to believe his grief would have made him all the more powerful. I couldn't take that risk."

"So you erased me from the world."

"You erased yourself by stepping through to that dimension. No one forced you to do that."

"But you created the alert that sent my team to investigate a breach in the city," Alec says, his heart beginning to race as all that has happened catches up with him.

"No one forced you to be the one to enter that building, Alec. That was your choice and yours alone."

Alec keeps still, not trusting himself not to lash out otherwise, giving a stiff nod telling her to continue.

"Once you were gone, it was easier for Magnus to believe the thoughts suggested to him, that his life was a small one with no real influence at all. It is easier to believe the worst in yourself when those who bring out the best in you are no longer there to do that."

"Magnus doesn't need _me_ to be a leader," Alec retorts, offended on Magnus' behalf.

"He does not," the Queen agrees. "Yet he thrives on being in your company. Honestly; the Magnus I once knew compared with the one I knew when he had _you_ in his world couldn't be more different."

Alec has no idea what to make of that so doesn't say anything at all.

"And with Lorenzo Rey so eager to please while lacking in so much natural ability, or talent, he has proved himself a most loyal subject for me to whisper things in his ear."

"So, what's the plan? With Lorenzo in your pocket, you think you can influence all the other Downworlders to think his way?"

"Oh. I already have," the Queen replies, the certainty in her words sickening. "The Clave's ways have always been to oppress and belittle us. I have just made those things more clear."

"How?"

"Did you know that those patrols you so insisted on continuing in the name of safety and security, every last Downworlder secretly fears?"

Alec does know. He's held countless meetings in an attempt to reassure them and get an input into how to make them less aggressive and more protective. It is a work in progress like so many of the changes he's been trying to make at the Institute, which now mean nothing at all.

"All I did was place a seed of doubt and fear, and the Downworlders came to their own conclusions."

"With a few whispers in the right ears and some influence, right?" Alec guesses, furious at all the good work they did now being undone.

"The Downworlders have lived for too long in the Clave's shadow," the Queen replies, moving the last of her chess pieces into place so there is no hope of him getting a win. "All that will happen now is that the Shadowhunters will for once know what it is like to be used, belittled, and oppressed, as you have always done to us. You do believe in equality, and balance, don't you, Alec?"

Alec waves his hand over his last piece for her to move, watching her win the game as detached as he can be for hearing all that is about to happen in their world. "So, what happens now?"

"Now, the Downworlders will work together as they never have before. Now, they will have a true alliance. Who knows; perhaps some of you Shadowhunters might find a place in our world again someday when we are ruling it — when _you_ are useful to _us_."

"I somehow doubt that."

"And you will remain free to live here until the end of your days. You should be grateful, really, to be free of all that fighting, and conflict. Oblivious to those you love getting hurt."

Alec watches her leave, realizing belatedly he's acquired a chair and table for his clearing. He doesn't have any walls yet is far more a prisoner than he would be elsewhere. Though if the Queen thinks he will accept this existence, of playing chess and eating food and doing little else at all, she clearly hasn't planned everything to the perfection she thinks she has. Alec returns to his bed thinking over her words, beginning to form his own plan.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Magnus crawls into bed wearing one of Alec's shirts, engagement ring firmly wedged on his finger and omamori in his hand. He remembers the ring disappearing, finding it in amongst the files of their wedding plans that he's been looking at for much of the afternoon. There have been so many tears for Alec since that Magnus' eyes are raw. He doesn't sleep for fearing that Alec will always be trapped there in that dimension, and at the same time connives all the ways to get him home. Though what would he be coming home to if they don't fix all that has been changed? Magnus has spoken to as many people as he can today in person hoping to influence them, yet only those closest to him could be swayed.

So far, Magnus has avoided the warlocks he was once so loyal to a second time now he's more sure of his suspicions of the Seelie Queen's involvement. Their allegiance for now is clearly tied to Lorenzo Rey as their High Warlock. He wouldn't want to put any of them at risk by giving conflicting thoughts about this situation. So for now Magnus has whispered in the ears of Luke, and Raphael, and a few other Downworlders that he knows.

He needs to get Alec home. He can't leave him there in a Seelie dimension he knows so little of, trusting the Seelie Queen to keep him from harm. Magnus can only imagine how quickly she would retaliate if she knows he is trying to prevent her uprising. Whether she would cut off Alec's food supply or cause him some other kind of harm he doesn't know. All Magnus does know is that he needs to tread carefully, be mindful of who it is he speaks to and who to trust.

Magnus thinks on her words, looks for the hidden meanings between them. If those with angel blood perish when they step through this dimension, what does this really mean for Alec? Would he become completely Mundane or truly not survive that step through? The Seelie Queen likes to make those who wrong her suffer, gains enjoyment by prolonging her _fun_. Though she could achieve that just as easily as stealing Alec from _him_ to see the pain it would cause him. So Magnus has too many conflicted feelings now.

In his fitful sleep he reaches for him, fingers grasping for Alec's hand. This dream world is just as taunting as the real one for having Alec so close yet neither one of them able to touch. He keeps looking at him, Alec's eyes staring and his lips moving with no sound at all. Magnus wakes with a startle at some early hour of the morning with Alec's name on his tongue, defeated for a moment not wanting to relive the horror of him being stolen from him again.

There is work to do. Magnus throws himself out of bed and into a shower, brewing a jug of coffee that he works through as he fills his day with research. With his knowledge of the Seelie world and all of its dimensions so limited, Magnus has his work cut out. He would ask for Catarina's help, yet whatever he plans he thinks he should keep solely to himself, not wanting to bring trouble to anyone else involved.

His magic won't work there, he knows that much, so even if he finds a way to follow Alec Magnus will be of no use to him at all. He remembers Alec speaking of a portal shard used by Clary and Jace in a different dimension yet has no way of accessing one, and no clue if it would do anything to help in this case.

There has to be a solution he is not seeing here. But as Magnus drops his head against the desk of his apothecary in frustration. He doesn't see how there is a way to fix this at all.

* * *

Seelies aren't to be trusted. This is something that has been instilled in Alec his entire life. Yet the few he knows when away from the Court here he has shared a mutual trust with. It isn't perhaps the faithful one he has with other Downworlders, always more careful with his words and thoughts with Seelies than anybody else. But there are a handful he would share limited things with. It seems coincidental that not one of those Seelies have made their presence known here in the forest since his arrival.

There has to be another way out of here that he hasn't thought of yet. Alec spent the days of his initial arrival scouring the forest trying to find its edge. The points where his current dimension bled into the old blurred and shimmered when he reached his boundaries, always sending him on a path that circled back to his temporary home.

Since the Queen announced that there was an  _other side_ of this dimension Alec has tried to venture further afield. He's free to walk and roam as he pleases since they know he will never really get anywhere. Which doesn't mean Alec doesn't notice everything that is around him and use it to plan his way out.

Alec has been tracking since he was a child. He remembers landmarks that build up a virtual map in his mind, so even when he takes the paths the Seelies know him to be following doesn't mean he isn't picking up things to add to that picture. He remembers every detail. From where certain guards pass clearly on their way back from somewhere important, to individual trees and plants that mark out his track.

Izzy taught him how to listen to the details behind a Seelie's words. He is aware of their training and strategizing just from the tone of their voice. Alec keeps his expression neutral when they speak to him as though he is simple, only giving a curt snap back to reinforce the image they have of him.

Alec watches them, particularly when they bring him food. The Seelies can see into his dimension and can even pass items through, yet it seems they must be grounded to do so. There is no way for them to cross back once inside. The air around them as they make sure he has what he needs is a different kind of blurry that Alec can now separate out. When he was back walking like a ghost in his own world he now knows these Seelies were close behind, able to see him and leave him food when he needed it.

What makes no sense is his ability to touch things when he was around Magnus. It wasn't always, and it was never something he had control of. But that thinner barrier he experienced when close to Magnus allowed him to open doors and lift books, even if he couldn't turn the page. He doesn't know if it is because of Magnus, or his love for Magnus, or the love there is between them. He has no one to ask either, not one Seelie he would trust here in the forest who could confirm his suspicions either way.

Alec thinks Magnus is the key to getting home again. Why else would the Seelie Queen have kept a barrier between them? What other reason would she have to do so when they were already worlds apart? If he can find his way out of this forest, could Magnus be the one to pull him through?

Alec needs to learn more about this dimension. He needs to explore it, learn its every crevice and crack. If he gets beyond this forest which seems to be the central point of both worlds would he find an answer he can't currently think of, or is there really no way back?

The Queen had been insistent he could only move forward, so Alec wonders if it's possible to walk to the furthest edge of this dimension where he might not be seen. Though if he is truly trapped here because of his angel blood, it makes no sense for the Seelies to be encouraging him to keep back.

So little makes sense. Alec stares overhead at the canopy of trees above his bed continuing his musings, pleading with an idea to come to him soon.

* * *

The Queen is waiting for something. Magnus knows there is a missing piece to this puzzle he isn't seeing; why else would she not have made a move before now? This threat of an uprising has been hanging in the air for weeks, causing unrest and uncertainty wherever he goes.

Magnus tries to imagine what the hold up must be, furious at himself for not figuring it out. He gathers as much information as he can without attracting attention to himself, still fearing what the Queen might do to Alec should she suspect him meddling.

Just the thought of Alec has Magnus sagging in defeat. He twists his ring on his finger seeing Alec everywhere he looks. There is the shelf he is forever exploring when Magnus is working in the apothecary and he has nothing else to do, and his coffee mug on the side in the kitchen that Magnus can't bear to put back in the cupboard. His face smiles out at him from every picture he sees. Magnus spends hours scrolling through old messages and photos on his cell wondering how he could ever have not seen them. Alec is gone, yet he is everywhere in their home.

Of the dimension Alec might be trapped in, Magnus knows nowhere else to look. He has traveled as far as possible to seek out every book he can get his hands on, frustration the only thing he brings back with him for how little information there is to go on. The unrest of the Downworlders he can feel wherever he has been in the world; Magnus half-wishes somebody would do something so it stops feeling like the entire globe is holding their breath.

Magnus' attempts to return to the Seelie Court have been futile. Every Seelie he sees avoids eye contact, sure that any conversation they shared would be the Queen's to know. Though they flock to Lorenzo satisfying his every whim; Magnus sees them there at his house sometimes when he is summoned for warlock meetings. Lorenzo is fool enough to believe all their platitudes and attention, basking in their services like a king on his throne.

It can't be Lorenzo's magic the Queen is wanting. Magnus has never known a High Warlock with abilities so weak. More often than not when he attends these meetings Magnus is kept behind to perform the magic Lorenzo can't so nobody can learn of his insufficiencies. Magnus tolerates it because he has to, because he knows of no other way to seek out whatever information is to be found. Lorenzo is a gloating power-hungry coward who Magnus knows will be cast aside the moment the Seelie Queen has what she wants; he just can't figure out what that might be with Lorenzo having so little to offer.

Magnus gets his answer in the worst kind of way. He arrives at Lorenzo's to find him holding an audience, his home filled with warlocks pressed in wall to wall. Magnus keeps as much distance as he can, sure he'll need to make a quick exit, his heart pounding as he realizes the Queen's plan.

Lorenzo is going to lead this uprising. The Queen has been feeding his ego and now that it is brimming over and too full he is sending the warlocks in to claim the Institute, to fight in his name as the High Warlock. This is the Queen's doing; there is no way the warlocks of New York are cut out for fighting. Most have lived in peace for centuries, more used to decadence and luxuries, and those that were around for the last Shadow War will be reluctant to be anywhere near.

The uprising is going to stumble and fail, the Queen not getting her hands dirty. Yet she will be the one to sweep in to settle the Downworlders and claim her rights as ruler over all. Magnus has no idea how she plans to get the vampires and werewolves on board with this but is positive this is her plan.

Magnus quickly leaves, conjuring a portal right into the Institute. It makes him ache to think of how familiar the feeling is, though has no time to dwell or reminisce.

"Sir. You can't be here."

Magnus smiles at the sound of Underhill's voice, even as he waves his hands to block his path.

"Believe me. You need your wards reinforcing," he says, conjuring them and making them strong not knowing how long he'll get here before being removed.

"Sir—"

"In the next few hours — potentially even in the next few minutes — Lorenzo Rey will be sending a small army of warlocks here to attack. I don't know the plan, exactly, but you will thank me for these wards when they do."

"But you can't—"

"What's going on?"

Magnus' magic falters as Izzy approaches, finishing the last incantation he needs under his breath before turning around. "My dear Isabelle. It has been too long."

Izzy glares back at him filled with enough mistrust to remind him of Maryse. He schools the thought hoping one day to be able to tease her about it, but knows now is the time to leave.

"Arm yourselves. Do not hurt them if you can avoid doing so. This is not their doing; there are bigger issues at work here."

"What are you talking about?" Izzy says folding her arms tight across her chest.

"Surely you have heard about a potential Downworlder uprising?" he asks, watching the small gathering of Shadowhunters forming around them.

"Are you here to represent them?"

"No. I'm here to warn you."

"Why?"

"Because. The last thing our world needs is the storm that is descending."

"But why would you warn us?" Izzy insists with a scowl so reminiscent of Alec that Magnus can't help but smile.

"Because Shadowhunters and Downworlders are better co-existing than fighting. Because there is so much at stake if you allow this fight to even start."

He moves away, several Shadowhunters stepping back as he conjures his own portal to go home.

"Wait. Who are are you? What's your name?"

Magnus ducks his head, half-tempted to tell Izzy he is her brother-in-law already, though stops himself in time. He turns to look over his shoulder and smiles, hoping she might one day look on him with friendly eyes again.

"Magnus. Magnus Bane."

* * *

Alec thinks he can find his way through the dimension. He has no idea what is waiting for him on the other side of it, but knows he has to take a risk and try to fight his way through. Those shimmering points on the furthest edges he reaches surely have to mean something. Alec is more certain of that than ever when he catches a glimpse of a Seelie guard returning. Stepping through a pinprick of light that looks exactly like those points he remembers seeing.

The Seelies are feasting, their excitement filtering through his thoughts until he can't think of his plan at all. The atmosphere is one of celebration, and Alec doesn't know what that might mean. He watches them dancing, joyfulness in every step, so carefree for a people about to go to war. Or perhaps this is the way the Seelies prepare for their battles; Alec doesn't know enough about them to be sure.

Alec closes his eyes when called out to join them, slumping down on a log near a fire and eating the food put in front of him. He lets his mind wander, thinks of the music and pretends it's he and Magnus dancing. That the feast in front of him is one that they are sharing somewhere away in the world.

Alec aches for Magnus. He misses his family, his friends, and his work, but it is Magnus that he draws strength from just by thinking of him or whispering his name. He has never been away for him longer than a couple of days, and being without him now feels like the worst torture of all.

Alec regrets every harsh word between them, every rushed moment. He is aware more than ever of the ticking of time, that there is a limit on the time he gets to spend with Magnus. They have stolen that time from him, the Seelies, by keeping him here, forcing them apart. He goes to bed thinking his name over and over, pretending it is Magnus' hand pressed over his heart.

Alec knows the moment the uprising has started. He can feel it in the forest, the agitation of it unsettling every branch and leaf. The Seelies are both more careless and more careful, leaving Alec freer to explore in their wake. He knows the Seelie Queen is still here, that she wouldn't take part in this fight herself. It keeps him cautious as he walks, quickening his pace as though she might creep up on him.

He keeps his exploration secret for a couple of days, though when his morning doesn't start with the arrival of food Alec senses he has been abandoned. He walks around the enclosure of his clearing checking for anyone approaching then pulls up that virtual map and tells himself to focus.

Those few points of difference he's reached in the forest he seeks out first, pressing and pushing to find his way through. Alec realizes through trial and error that these are the barriers separating his own world from this dimension, remembering the Seelie Queen's words about him not being able to leave the same way he came.

Alec storms across the forest, sensing an urgency approaching knowing they will eventually find him missing. He runs for what feels like hours unaware of fatigue or hunger or anything but getting to his goal. Alec has no idea what is on the other side of this dimension yet if it takes him back to his own in any way he'll take his chances.

The point in the barrier shimmers in front of him. Alec drops his hands to his thighs trying to regain his breath for a moment, already imagining the pain of trying to get through. This can't mean a death, can't be the end of all that he is, it just can't be. Alec sucks in a breath, thinks of only Magnus, charging forward to force his way through.

* * *

Sometimes, Magnus can see the appeal of warlocks becoming Mundane doctors, knowing it brings Catarina fulfillment like nothing else has. He understands better at the moment, refusing to fight in this uprising yet still doing his part in a way, for patching up any Downworlder who has been hurt. Getting snippets of how they are fighting as he fixes their wounds.

The uprising is chaos. Lorenzo is attempting to take charge of not only the warlocks, but the werewolves and vampires as well. He calls it coordination when they say it's control. The Seelies, of course, are nowhere to be seen when any of this is going on, their fights apparently cleaner and far away from harm.

The Shadowhunters use weapons and hand to hand combat to defend their Institute, reinforcements pouring in from the Clave. Magnus hears from other places in the world these fights are targeted on major cities leaving smaller ones to defend themselves or volunteer to help out where they can.

The Seelie Queen must have been planning this for months. Magnus thinks of the Shadow World ruled over by the Seelies and shudders for it. Things are difficult living within the Accords of the Clave at times but even they at their harshest seem favorable to this. And that Mundane life continues as normal around them, even parts of the Shadow World seeming to avoid some of these battles, makes the entire situation too much to believe.

Magnus will not fight with anyone. He might not agree with the Clave's restrictions, but there are many Shadowhunters who have become his friends. And even without those friendships, even without Alec, no good can come of all this fighting. Even if they stop it now, this will take years to repair relations between them all.

He won't turn his back on his people though. He might only be here to treat their injuries but he couldn't ever forgive himself if he just disappeared. He has no blame for any Downworlder who chooses that path but his instincts tell him not to. Even if he treats them in a glamoured place out of anyone's sight.

Lorenzo has tried to contact him, ask for help fooling people with power that he wants to pass off as his own. There is no way Magnus will ever harness his father's power to do the wrongs Lorenzo is speaking of. Not even in his darkest moments can Magnus conceive the idea of the terror and pain Lorenzo suddenly seems to want to inflict. Magnus blames the Seelie Queen for putting the ideas in Lorenzo's head, and Lorenzo himself for his weakness. _He_ will have no hand in killing or injuring anyone at all.

Alec is still trapped in all of this, yet he is the only thing to keep Magnus going. He comes up with never-ending plans to reach him, imagines all sorts of impossible methods of bringing Alec back. His research continues even as he is tending to his patients, Alec never off his mind. He has even attempted to sneak back into the Seelie's forest now that the fighting is underway hoping their defenses are down. Magnus picked himself up off the ground after being thrown just as he had been the time before, furious that there are still restrictions blocking his way to the Court.

Catarina's call jolts Magnus out of his musings, squeezing the arm of a werewolf in apology after fixing a gaping wound on his shoulder. He wipes his hands clean and connects the call, already rolling his neck to relieve some of the tension there.

"Magnus."

"Never let it be said I don't appreciate your dedication to your work," Magnus says, grimacing at his hands as he inspects them.

" _Magnus_. I need you to listen to me."

"I'm listening," Magnus replies, draining the last of his coffee and pinching over his eyes.

"I need you to come here."

"Where?"

"To the hospital."

"Are you okay?"

"Magnus," Catarina says with a shuddery breath that finally alerts Magnus to trouble. "Just get here. It's Alec."

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

There is a clinical smell around him that makes Alec think of the Institute's infirmary and even gives him wistful thoughts of Izzy's lab. He winces knowing when he opens his eyes everything will be too bright for him, but already imagines he is in a Mundane hospital. Even if right now he has no idea how he got there.

"Alec. I don't know if you can hear me, but I called Magnus. He's on his way."

"Magnus—"

A firm hand presses against Alec's shoulder to keep him laid in bed. He blinks his eyes open to adjust to the brightness and finds the kind ones of Catarina, gasping in relief as she takes his hand.

"I was gone—"

"I know," she tells him, still with her hand pressed to his shoulder to keep him in place. "Magnus told me as soon as he knew. We have some things to figure out, but those can wait until you are better."

"Better?"

"More awake," Catarina amends, though Alec doesn't miss the way her eyes dart over him. He raises his arm to find his Runes intact but knows things aren't as they should be.

"I'm… Mundane?" he whispers, aware of all the other voices of the hospital around him, surprised that his voice can sound so calm when he is anything but.

"I think so," she says, squeezing his fingers. "I couldn't really run anything other than normal tests. But once we get you home, I'm sure Magnus can check you over properly."

There is a buzzing in his ears that he doesn't know the source of, and what feels like a constant flutter in his heart. There are so many different thoughts vying for his attention at the same time that Alec can't focus on a single one of them. Though watching Catarina turn and smile tells him the time to think about that isn't now.

"Alexander."

Magnus' voice is so broken as they stare at one another in disbelief. Catarina takes a polite step back and Magnus is charging forward, wrapping his arms around Alec the moment he sits up in bed. Alec clings on just as tightly, shaking, crying, trying to pull him closer still. He is inconsolable as Magnus perches on the bed beside him and tries to do the same. The relief they share for being together is the only thing to accompany their tears.

"I never thought I'd see you again," Alec says, muffled into Magnus' shoulder adamant he won't let him go.

"How did I ever forget you?" Magnus asks, just as mournful as Alec is feeling, putting fresh tears in their eyes all over again.

They don't let go until those trembles subside, and even then it's impossible not to keep touching. Magnus grabs his face to pull him into a kiss and Alec grips around his arms to keep him close. He throws his arms around his shoulders when they pull apart, kissing repeatedly wherever he can get to in more relief than he has ever known. There are so many _I love you_ s whispered between them to follow, only interrupted with more tears as their grief works its way out.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asks, cupping his face again though not letting go of his hand. His fingers squeeze over his ring and another sob chokes its way out of his throat, meaning Alec has to kiss him again.

"I'm fine. I think."

"He was brought in by paramedics," Catarina calls from a distance; Magnus checks on Alec with a look then beckons her closer. "He was laid out cold on the street with no sign of any external injuries. Though when they tried to move him apparently he was _incoherent and speaking in tongues."_

Alec's gaze falls to the paperwork she clutches in her hands, wondering what else might be written there.

"But he's okay?"

"As human as anybody around here," Catarina replies, with a look passing between them that Alec knows means nothing good.

He watches in a daze as a member of staff hands Catarina some forms, watching Magnus take them to fill in and hearing things about _insurance_ and _next of kin_ though not really absorbing anything at all. He wants to be _home_ ; there are so many things that they are going to need to deal with, but all he needs is here with him right now.

There is a taxi ride he lulls himself to sleep through safe in the curl of Magnus' arm, then the headiness of being in the lobby of their apartment building. Being able to touch things freely and feel every one of them almost overwhelms him, and he keeps stopping for the different textures against his palms.

Alec makes it into their apartment before his knees threaten to fail him, both of them tumbling into an ungainly heap on the couch.

"I thought I'd lost you," Magnus says, tears in his eyes all over again. "I didn't know if I would ever get you back."

Alec pulls him close, breathing him in, determined to never again let Magnus out of his sight.

* * *

Magnus leans back against Alec in the bathtub luxuriating in being in his arms. Alec has only been back with him a few hours and it is probably some unpleasant hour of the morning, yet right now this is everything they need.

Alec's hands splay repeatedly over his skin as though he's relearning him, both of them squeezing over their engagement rings seeking reassurance they're still there. Magnus is tired, to his very bones, but can't bear the thought of sleeping. If he closes his eyes Alec might be taken from him again, and right now he can't risk that.

"So the Shadow World has gone to hell," Alec summarizes when Magnus has shared all of his news.

"Essentially."

"How did _Lorenzo Rey_ end up as High Warlock, anyway?"

"The pompous ass apparently is useful to the Queen," Magnus replies, holding up his hand for Alec to press his own against before their fingers slot together.

"And if I just disappeared into thin air, never existing, who is running the Institute?"

"As far as I can tell, the duties seem to be split between Izzy, Jace, and Clary, plus some occasional delegates from the Clave. Though I can only assume that from what I have been told, and the briefest of visits."

"I never figured that out," Alec says, sighing. "I went to the Institute so many times when I was… _there_. Couldn't touch anything. Couldn't turn a page or use a tablet, or do anything. No one could see me. No one even knew I was gone."

Magnus sweeps his fingers over Alec's arms and squeezes, knowing there are so many discussions ahead about Alec's ordeal.

"I imagine now that you are back people will begin to remember you. I would hope so, anyway; that is something we should check once you are rested."

Alec sighs, pressing a kiss into Magnus' neck before dropping his forehead there. "We've got so much we need to do."

Magnus groans in agreement, squeezing him tight again. Alec told him of the Seelie Queen's involvement, all the plans she's laid in place confirming what he already knows. They cannot let her seize the power she hopes to wield. The fallout would be catastrophic for everyone involved. Even now Magnus is sure if they moved on to the balcony they would hear violent clashes somewhere in the city below. There are too many injuries, and too much bloodshed to ignore this problem, even if that is exactly what he wishes they could do.

And that Alec is likely Mundane now is yet another hurdle for them to cross. Magnus doesn't want to think about it even if he knows that he must.

"Can we be selfish and just… sleep for a bit?" Alec asks, nosing at his temple as he squeezes him tight.

"Of course," Magnus replies wanting to do nothing else. They take their time to dry one another then make their way to bed, Magnus sleeping peacefully as he hasn't done in months.

* * *

Alec wakes first in the morning, and for the first few seconds doesn't really believe his eyes. Magnus is here right with him, holding him in the tight grip of his arms. Alec raises his head just enough to press a kiss to his chest and Magnus pulls him tighter, even in his sleep wanting to keep him from harm.

Alec smiles when he feels him wake, lifting his head up to catch Magnus' look of surprise.

"Alexander," he hears right before Magnus is rolling them on their sides, not letting Alec out of his grip.

"Morning."

Alec laughs as Magnus cups his face, staring as though he can't quite believe his eyes.

"I thought for a moment I was just having an exceptionally good dream."

"I don't know if waking up in a Mundane hospital counts as a _good_ dream. But it beats waking up in the middle of a Seelie forest."

Magnus leans in to kiss him, soft enough for Alec to think he wants to kiss all those memories away. "I can't even imagine what it must have been like."

"I don't even remember sleeping when I was first gone."

Alec doesn't really want to go over it again and Magnus knows without even having to ask. He rolls him on to his back and showers Alec with so much love and affection that it's impossible for them both not to be crying all over again.

"I missed you," Magnus tells him even as he moves inside him, curling his hands beneath his shoulders.

"I missed you too," Alec replies, urging Magnus deeper into him and clinging on tight.

After, when they're breathless, a mess cooling between them that neither one of them cares about, Magnus teases that he can feel every one of Alec's ribs, and that he intends to feed him up.

"I ate when I was with the Seelies," Alec says, though even he can agree he's lost too much weight. He feels weak too, which is confusing; back when he'd sprinted the length of the forest looking for a way out of that dimension he'd been as strong as he has ever been. Stronger, perhaps. Now he feels as though the slightest exertion might knock him out.

"Did you sleep?"

"This morning?"

"No," Magnus says, smiling, "when you were _there_."

"Oh. I remember sleeping in the forest. I thought I slept when I was _here_. Before."

"I heard you crying," Magnus tells him, so full of guilt that Alec has to kiss it from him.

"You didn't know."

"But I could feel you. I _felt_ you here. I just didn't know _you_. How could I not know you, Alexander?"

Alec shakes his head against the pillows, smiling when Magnus raises to his knees. With a snap of his fingers they are clean again, and Magnus is free to smooth his hands down over Alec's chest. His eyes dart to follow the stroke of his fingers before looking back at his face in concern.

"Alexander," he says, soft and urgent. "You were not this… _thin_ when I got you home. Nor this tired-looking."

Alec tilts his head as Magnus strokes a gentle thumb beneath his eye. "I am pretty tired."

It's an understatement. Alec feels as though he could sleep for a month. He wants to think he just needs to catch up on all that he's missed out on, but Magnus' frantic urging for him to stay awake tells him that isn't going to happen.

"Stay with me, Alec," he hears, which is a curious thing for Magnus to say. He has no intention of going anywhere.

* * *

He should have known it was too good to be true. To have Alec back and wholly with him really seems like an impossible dream. Magnus' attempts to wake him prove pointless, but instead of being hit with fear for what might be happening to him, Magnus is filled with fury instead.

He dresses them quickly then conjures a portal and carries Alec into it, struggling under his weight when he reaches the other side and makes his way through the Seelie forest. _She_ must be expecting him, since all those barriers she'd put up to keep him out are either gone or have been lifted just enough to allow him through.

"You have returned what is mine," the Seelie Queen says when Magnus comes to a stop in front of her, gently laying Alec out on the grass.

"He is not yours."

"He walked in my realms. Received my hospitality. He was warned what would happen if he tried to pass through."

She has a look on her face that leaves Magnus incensed and wanting to lash out, but he holds his temper in check for Alec's sake, already loathing whatever it is she may ask.

"What do you want?"

"What do you mean?" the Queen asks, full of fake surprise.

"To make Alec well again," Magnus says through gritted teeth, "what will it take?"

He imagines her asking for his allegiance, his help to overthrow the Clave, and a hundred other worse things besides. With Alec laid out in front of him Magnus thinks there isn't a thing he wouldn't give.

The Queen studies him though it's not with the typical look of triumph that Magnus expects to see when she feels she has won something. There is nothing calculating, or sinister, or even malicious as she walks.

"Alec Lightwood made the choice to take the path into one of our realms."

"Please," Magnus says, his words dripping with disdain. "You act as though I wouldn't already know you had led him there."

"Be that as it may. The choice remains solely with Alec."

"What choice?" Magnus demands, waving his hand irritably to Alec where he sleeps. "What choice does he have?"

"Either he re-enters the realm and deals with the consequences. Or he remains here and fades away from the world."

"Meaning what?"

"Magnus," she says, with a smile that he thinks is supposed to be sympathetic, "you know that, stripped of his angel blood, Alec is merely a Mundane. One that has been weakened severely by the loss of that blood."

"Are you saying that if he remains here, he will wake up from this sleep eventually, and recover, but only as a Mundane?"

"Exactly. A very weak, ordinary, plain Mundane."

Magnus thinks of the constant pain that gnaws at him for the thought of losing Alec, the years that he'll get to remain by his side. It is a constant nightmare there will never be an escape from, and the thought of that time being shortened in any way is enough to make breathing feel impossible. But he has little choice in that.

"And if he goes back through?" Magnus asks, fearing Alec's life in that realm will be no better, and that he won't really be existing at all.

"Then he has a choice of more paths to follow," the Queen replies. "More options than he will have in this life. At the very least, he will be more whole than he is now."

It is a play on words, more truths hidden within other truths. Magnus doesn't know what to make of a single part of it yet knows this must be Alec's decision. He falls to his knees and cradles his head in his lap, waiting for Alec to wake.

"You cannot follow," the Queen adds as though plucking the thought from his mind.

"Why?"

"The path is closed to you."

"You won't allow me to," Magnus translates for her, bitterness laced through every word.

"You have more value to me here."

Magnus doesn't ask what that may mean, listening as she walks away.

"Hey," he whispers when Alec opens his eyes, slotting together their fingers when Alec raises his hands.

"I'm back in the forest. Aren't I?" Alec asks, sleepy yet already resigned to what is happening; it makes Magnus want to cry.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Should've known it was too good to be true."

Magnus wants to scream, to yell for the injustice of what is happening. There is no one to listen, not a person who can understand. He is losing Alec, just after he got him back, and this time though he knows where he is headed it feels worse. How can he be _here_ , but not _with_ him at all?

"You have the choice, if you want to go back," he says, trying to sound braver for Alec than he can ever be.

Alec nods, licking his lips as though his thirsty. Before Magnus can call for something to drink, a Seelie is already stepping forward with something for him. He watches Alec gulp it back after helping him sit upright, his hand on his back, leg, arm; wherever he can touch for not wanting to let Alec out of his grasp.

"I feel like I left a part of me in there," Alec says when he turns to him, gripping his hand once again.

"I suppose you did," Magnus agrees, begging himself not to get upset. How can they be here, preparing to separate again after just a few bittersweet hours of finding one another?

"I don't want to go where you can't follow," Alec says then, his voice catching and tears already pricking his eyes.

"I know," Magnus replies, not even trying to hide the spill of tears hitting his cheeks. "I don't want you to go. But I think you have to."

"Not even for a little while. But I'm coming back, Magnus," Alec insists, "I _am_. I did it once. I just have to figure out a better way to do it."

Magnus tries to smile for him but it's a bittersweet echo of one, so broken-hearted for the thought of losing him again that it feels impossible to share Alec's determination.

"I'll figure this out," Alec tells him, and it sounds like a promise.

"We will," Magnus insists, helping Alec as he gets to his feet.

Alec cups his face once he's up and kisses him, and Magnus can't help but think it tastes of goodbye. He wants to hold on to him for longer, indefinitely, but if they are supposed to find a way back for Alec, this is something they have to try.

"I love you, Alexander," Magnus whispers, pulling Alec closer as though that will keep them from being apart.

"Magnus," Alec replies, his voice cracking, "I love you too. Always."

Magnus holds back a sob as Alec squeezes around his engagement ring, slotting their fingers together and holding his hand.

"You are ready," the Queen says announcing her reappearance. She raises an arm without breaking eye contact with Alec, making a blurred oval appear in the air beside them.

Alec raises Magnus' hand to kiss the back of, not looking back when he steps through.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

The moment Alec steps through the swirl he feels whole again. He hates it; this realm is not his home, there is nothing for him here, yet here seems the only place he belongs. Alec looks back now that Magnus can't see him, unable to face the pain in his eyes up close. These few hours snatched together mean everything to Alec, and if he doesn't keep walking away from him he doesn't think he can stand to be so close to Magnus without being close to him at all.

The forest either parts in his presence as he moves, or his feet tread familiar paths back to his Seelie home without needing his thought. Alec sinks down on to his bed with his head bent forward, squeezing around his engagement ring to reassure himself it's still there.

What if Magnus forgets him again? Does anybody else remember him? Does his face appear sometimes in their dreams leaving them waking with vague memories of a person who has never existed in their world? Alec lifts the corner of his shirt to stare at his parabatai rune not feeling Jace at all; in fact, he can't feel anything. His return to this dimension seems to have restored his essence, yet there is no connection to the presence of anything that makes him a Shadowhunter.

Alec thinks of wandering the Institute when nobody could see him, avoiding Jace more than anyone else. That his parabatai no longer knew of his existence was hard to deal with more for the fact that he doesn't sense him anymore. Alec remembers watching him play the piano in his room not recognizing the music, and watching him spar with Izzy with moves and blows he is used to being on the receiving end of. There is no connection, no resonance between them. They have a life there, that he is no longer a part of.

Alec tries to hold on to the few hours he's got to spend with Magnus, closing his eyes to remember the feel of him against him, of waking up with Magnus in their bed. He can't forget him again, he _can't_ , Alec pleads, pinching over his eyes to refuse his tears. He lays out on his bed needing to give in to his defeat, staring up at the sky through the trees, desperate for a way to get back.

* * *

Magnus returns to their apartment in a daze again, barely getting the door closed behind him before he starts to cry. He sinks to his knees wishing he had the strength to lash out or do _something_. But Magnus feels completely drained of everything that he is. He crawls back into bed hugging Alec's pillow breathing in his smell, dreaming about wherever he may be.

When he wakes his memory is cruel for a moment, letting him get lost in the thought that Alec has returned. When the truth hits hard it's difficult to do anything at all. Magnus drags himself from their bed forcing himself to eat breakfast and shower, yet everything else seems far beyond his capabilities.

As an afterthought, Magnus picks up his phone. His heart races for how many messages he's missed, seeing so many missed calls from Izzy and Jace that he feels overwhelmed for the volume of them. Even Maryse has left several messages and he doesn't know how to answer a single one. Magnus reads every word telling himself he is comforted that Alec is no longer gone from this world, even though he can't physically be here.

" _When we realized he was gone we sent a team out. We found his stele and cell phone in this building he'd been in when he led a mission months ago_ ," says Jace's message, along with demands to know why Magnus isn't answering along with apologies for not being in touch.

" _I can't deal with this now_ ," Magnus writes back after giving brief details of all that has happened to Alec via fire message. It is one of the hardest things he has ever had to write in his life.

The world is crashing around him. Jace hints of various hits at the Institute which he can do little about, and both Luke and Raphael have mentioned fighting on the streets. Izzy's words are softer than anyone's and break Magnus all the more for how she says repeatedly how much she misses him. He wants to reach out to help as much as he needs someone to talk to, yet doesn't feel that he can.

The Queen's chess pieces are in place. Lorenzo has listed Magnus as missing, seeking out help from another more powerful warlock from somewhere else in the world. The Downworlders have believed all the whispers and insinuations based on years of oppression by the Clave. The moment of their final strike is imminent, and there is not a thing Magnus can think of that might stop it. Magnus has no purpose here; he's no longer of use to anyone and hasn't a clue about how to get Alec back.

Magnus slumps on the couch scrolling through every image he has of Alec on his cell, willing his mind to find a way to make things right.

* * *

"You have adjusted well."

Alec looks up from the woven armchair that has appeared in his clearing to find Meliorn staring him down. "Not like I have any choice."

"I didn't take the eldest Lightwood sibling to be one that gave in so easily," he replies, stepping forward without invitation and jolting irritation up Alec's spine.

"Privacy isn't a thing around here, huh."

"Our ways are open to anyone who lives among us."

Alec controls the retort he wants to make, never thinking he'd be one to so violently miss his own door. "What do you want?"

"You have lived with us for a while now."

"Yeah. Not exactly through choice."

"Living between two realms some would say is a gift," Meliorn tells him, walking around the clearing inspecting everything in interest, irritating Alec even more. "There are many who would be envious of your circumstances."

"Yeah? Name one," Alec spits at him, which only makes him smile that smile Alec loathes seeing on the face of all the Seelies. All knowing and never saying anything at all.

"Alec," Meliorn says in mocking reproach, "your sister would be disappointed that you aren't making the most of this opportunity."

"Leave Izzy out of this."

"And yet, Isabelle is the wisest Shadowhunter I know."

Alec doesn't think he means wise, even though there is no doubt in his own mind that Izzy is the smartest amongst them. There is too much history between Meliorn and Izzy for him to be so impressed by her _wisdom_ alone.

"What do you want, Meliorn? You just come here gloat, or something? Pass on a message?"

"We are free to walk these forests without reporting our whereabouts," Meliorn replies. Alec doesn't know if he's meant to read between his words. "I am not here on an errand."

"Right. And what does that mean?"

"That I am here of my own free will and simple curiosity."

"Great."

"It is rare that anyone lasts as long suspended as you have done without… complications," Meliorn says, amused intrigue slipping into his words.

Alec's interest is piqued, exactly how he thinks Meliorn intended. "Great. So, what, I should be in some kind of mess by now, or something?"

"Most become enraged, or unable to cope with their restrictions."

"Yeah, well. I got _out_ , so. I can't be doing all that well."

"That you found a way to leave, even though you had to return, is impressive."

"For a Shadowhunter?" Alec guesses, watching Meliorn as he walks.

"For anyone."

Alec doesn't like the way he is looking at him. He's never liked Meliorn that much at all, though part of this dislike is purely for knowing what he almost let happen to him. The guilt still hits him after all these years, images of Meliorn being tortured waking him up sometimes, usually having Magnus' words to soothe him. Alec closes his eyes for how much he _aches_ for missing Magnus, gritting his teeth to hold back a sigh.

"What do you want, Meliorn?" Alec asks, already tired of whatever game he might be playing.

"There is a war raging out on the streets."

"Not much I can do about that being stuck in here."

"The Alec Lightwood I used to know would not have given in so easily," Meliorn says, taunting enough to have Alec on his feet trying to outpace him. "The Head of the New York Institute was once a person who was attempting to build bridges in our world."

"Yeah, well. I'm not the Head of the Institute."

"Nor will you ever be again."

Alec doesn't want to hear it even though he knows it's the truth. A lifetime lived pursuing one and only career path wiped out in an instant by a few steps down a darkened hall. There was so much he was going to do, so many changes he hoped to see in their world. Now all he sees is roots and trees, his trust of Seelies ever precarious no matter how well they appear to be treating him.

"Why aren't you out there fighting?" he asks, realizing as he looks that Meliorn is wearing no armor, doesn't seem to have any personal interest in this war.

"This is not my fight," Meliorn replies as though answering Alec's thoughts.

"Your Queen's in charge of it."

"That may be the case."

Alec's frustration that he keeps talking without saying anything at all makes him want to walk away from here, run until he's too exhausted to talk. "Right."

"You should take advantage of your surroundings, Alec," Meliorn says, looking out through clearing into the never-ending trees.

"And do what?"

"You are already benefiting from the food you are consuming."

Alec's blood runs cold at the thought of whatever the Seelies might have been feeding him, though it isn't as though he's had a choice or any other offers. "Yeah? And how's that?"

"You cannot feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"The new life that is running through your veins."

"If I had _new life_ running through me, how come I was so weak out there?" Alec demands jabbing his finger to point towards the city. His heart is racing, his thoughts tripping over themselves trying to figure out what Meliorn means.

"You left before the changes could take full effect."

"What changes?"

Panic is starting to set in for Alec but he is determined not to let it show. Meliorn seems to know this for the knowing smile he gives him as he begins to turn away.

"You will feel them," Meliorn says again, putting Alec even more on edge.

"This realm, dimension, whatever, stripped me of my angel blood. That's the only _change_ to come of all of this," Alec insists, watching as he walks.

"And yet, you have returned to that realm intact," Meliorn points out. Alec comes to a stop in front of him aiming to stare him out, only earning himself an amused smile.

Though he's right. When Alec had left there was a part of him missing, even if he was relieved to be home. Here, he feels like himself again. Is he supposed to live his life here? Spending his days pacing out a place that no one else can roam?

"Look—"

"I must leave," Meliorn says then, his entire posture changing as he looks up between the trees, clearly sensing something Alec cannot.

"But—"

"Try harder, Alec Lightwood," Meliorn tells him, with one final look that leaves Alec even more bewildered, before he's striding away through the trees leaving Alec once again alone.

* * *

Magnus looks up from the werewolf he's treating for a seraph blade injury, taking in the furious gaze of Luke.

"This is getting us nowhere."

"No. It isn't," Magnus agrees, flaring further magic from his fingers trying to knit together the wound. "Though us being out here instigating these fights—"

" _Us_ , meaning my pack?" Luke says, narrowing his eyes at him, still so wound up his pupils have a touch of bright green.

"Your pack. Raphael's clan."

"And all the warlocks in the city—"

"Who are following the orders of a High Warlock who is ineffective as a leader, and unwilling to get his hands dirty in a battle," Magnus finishes for him. "There is little I can do about that."

"You did once," Luke says.

"Yes. Well. The Seelie Queen's trickery took that role away from me."

"I can't believe we all fell for it. For everything."

"We are still _falling for it_ now by continuing to fight."

"Hey," Luke says, his voice raising again, "if Raphael—"

"This is not about werewolves, vampires, or warlocks. This is about Downworlders allowing the Seelie Queen to highlight all of our differences. Turning us on each other as we turn on the Clave."

"Not like the Clave hasn't earned it."

"I agree. Though there has to be a better way to deal with everything they are doing without destroying ourselves in the process."

Luke rolls his eyes and walks away from him, hands at his sides as he arches his back with a groan that says he aches.

"Do you need something, Luke?"

"No," Luke replies, waving him away, "I'm fine. I'll heal. Quicker than he will, anyway."

They both look to the werewolf with the furious wound in his thigh, and Magnus flares his magic again. For hours he treats the walking wounded, smiling in relief when Catarina joins him with Madzie in tow.

"I didn't want to bring her," Catarina says as she pushes up her sleeves, still in her scrubs from the hospital. "But I couldn't get a babysitter."

"Everyone is fleeing, or fighting," Magnus agrees, hushing a warlock as he whimpers for the break in his arm.

"Yeah. I keep thinking about taking Madzie away from all of this."

"Nobody would blame you," Magnus replies, smiling as Madzie settles between them with a coloring book oblivious to the chaos all around them.

"Yeah. But how is it any better anywhere else? Same stuff going on all the world over, according to everyone I speak to."

"We just need to get through whatever it is the Seelie Queen has done to make everyone believe all these rumors."

"It can't be as simple of that," Catarina protests, patting the seat in front of her for a warlock to sit as she rolls her neck.

"It started as simply as that."

"Then if that's the case, why is any of this happening? Why are we fighting, literally in the streets? We've got Shadowhunters coming through the portal _you_ created in that Institute as reinforcements to keep _us_ under control. Our High Warlock is getting help from other warlocks outside the city because he's too useless to do anything himself. When you—"

"Why do I get the impression I'm about to receive another lecture about how things would be very different if I was still High Warlock?" Magnus asks her, wincing in apology that his anger has made his movement jumpy, and in doing so he has used his magic with too much force as he heals yet another wound.

"I'm not lecturing anybody—"

"I'll just wait for Raphael to come by my apartment later this evening blaming me for the fact that he has vampires too weak to even feed."

"No one is blaming you for all of this," Catarina says. Magnus has to turn his back to her.

"It certainly sounds as though you are. Need I remind you that it was the warlocks of this city who _chose_ who was in charge?"

"Yeah, well, firstly, Lorenzo never had my vote. I can tell you that. In fact, I don't know a single warlock who even likes the man."

"Yes. I am sure the Seelie Queen's involvement had much to do with that," Magnus seethes, furious that he still can't work out how she has succeeded in interfering in warlock politics.

"You wouldn't have let that happen."

Magnus closes his eyes against the retort threatening to blurt from his mouth, though it doesn't stop Catarina's words playing on his mind all night. When he gets home he paces the apartment with a drink in hand, trying to recall the events that have led to this. He has a vague impression of what the Queen had done in tricking Alec into that dimension, and how the world had fallen away as though he had never been born.

It is an echo of their real life together, and as Magnus looks back now he can see the outline of the false one overlaying the true. He knows that gaping hole left in Alec's absence shifted something in him leaving him vulnerable and weak. How else would he have let Lorenzo take over? How else would he have let himself believe that he would never be fit to lead himself? Viewing these two worlds and how they've meshed and interwoven gives him a headache. But for the first time in months, Magnus is clear about what he sees.

He misses Alec. With every fiber of everything that he is. And though he's told himself countless times in the past not to consider Alec the center of everything, Alec really is the center of all of this. If Alec hadn't been taken from him then none of this would have fallen apart, the Seelie Queen wouldn't have her foothold in the city, and Magnus wouldn't feel so useless for not being who, and all that he is.

Luke and Catarina have their hearts in the right places, even if it is difficult to hear the truth. He has to find a way to fight this, to break through this hold the Seelie Queen now has over them. He has to fight harder to reclaim his faith in himself, to restore some peace to the Downworlders who occupy the city. And in the process of all this, Magnus can only hope he'll find a way to get Alec back.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Something is different in him. Alec has been cataloging himself ever since his conversation with Meliorn, trying to pinpoint what is wrong. There _is_ nothing wrong; Alec feels, physically, as he always has done. But there is _more_ to all he has ever known that seems to be blossoming in him. He pictures a rosebud unfurling until its petals are stretched out to fill him, a nectar flowing through him that is coaxing new senses awake.

Alec shakes his head in denial as he paces through the forest, refusing to believe anything new resides in his veins. Though everything _is_ different, Alec is aware of his surroundings as he never has been in his life. He can feel every blade of grass beneath his feet, and every molecule of water sucked up in the xylem of each passing tree. The beating wings of passing insects is in stereo, and every living thing around him beginning to glow.

Alec has always relied on his spatial awareness to keep him alert for any enemies or threats, but even that feels enhanced now. He can hear the snap of twigs underfoot as Seelies return no doubt from their battles, and knows without even checking the direction which way the wind is about to blow. And the Queen, he thinks, turning on his heel intent on seeking her out, he can feel her. Knows her every footstep in the forest. He can almost sense the elation that she feels as he approaches.

"You are ready."

Alec comes to a stop just on the edge of her private quarters, hesitating when she waves him in. "Ready for what?"

"To be all that you are capable of being."

"I don't know what that means," Alec replies, sinking down into a hand-carved seat and reaching for the drink in front of him without asking.

That she looks pleased as he's drinking Alec knows he should be wary about. But there is too much already in him, whatever this is, for him to turn back now. Alec watches the Queen sit at the other end of the table and lift a glass herself.

"Alec. You've proved yourself very useful to me."

"Oh yeah? And how's that?"

"By accepting your part in all of this drama and keeping out of harm's way, everything has been put in place."

Alec shakes his head, pushing his glass back on to the table, fingers curling around the edge of his chair. "I didn't accept anything. It was given to me."

"You made the choice to follow this path. Twice now," the Queen points out.

"And if I hadn't taken it a second time, what would I be now?"

"A sickly Mundane requiring constant medical attention."

Alec knows it to be true. That _weakness_ that had hit him so suddenly the morning he'd woken up with Magnus was crushing, as though every spark of energy was being drained from each of his individual cells. He refuses to accept he had a choice in this, even if he won't say that out loud. What is the point when she is gloating, so pleased that he has come here?

"What's happening to me?"

He doesn't mean to sound as resigned as he's feeling, yet it isn't something he can hide. He is changing, and he's had his days of being alarmed by it that have done nothing to bring him back to Magnus' side. If he can get through whatever changes are coming for him, perhaps there is a way back into his world. Perhaps he can still make a difference, be a different kind of whole again. Live his life with the man that he loves.

"You are becoming who you are," the Queen replies. Alec doesn't even feel the need to be furious for her vague answer to his question.

"And what _is_ that?"

"Alec," she says, rising to her feet to retrieve a mirror that she sets down in front of him so he can see his face. "Do you look any different?"

He does, and he doesn't. His face is the same, as is his expression and stare, yet there is clearly something different. The rune on his neck seems more vivid in color, even tinged with green in some lights, yet there is no sense in him that he would be able to get it to work. Alec raises his hands to examine them, more aware of every imperfection or scar. He shoves his sleeves up his arms sure he can see his runes pulsing even if they aren't serving their purpose anymore.

"I'm… still me," he says, a truth and a half-truth.

"Of course you're still you," the Queen replies with an impatient click of her tongue. "You are still the head-strong, stubborn, obstinate Lightwood you have always been. Yet you are now a little more."

"Yeah. It's that _little more_ I need to know more about."

That she smiles for the sarcasm in his voice Alec grits his teeth for, pressing himself down further into the chair. The Queen returns the mirror to its place across the room they are in and sits once again, observing him for a while before continuing to speak.

"Did you know that some Seelies can live for thousands and thousands of years?"

"I guess."

"Do you never wonder about the relative shortness of your own mortal life?"

He hadn't been aware of it, not really, not until the thought of leaving Magnus behind entered his mind. That all this time is being stolen from them by him being stuck here is adding to that sense of panic he sometimes feels that he can't give Magnus enough.

"At times," he says, certain he doesn't need to go into any detail about what he is really thinking.

"Since you have given your heart to an immortal being, would you never consider an attempt to extend your own life?" she asks, incredulity in her tone that is riddled with falseness and taunting.

"I've thought about it," Alec agrees, surprised that his words are flowing so freely. He doesn't know if it's the drink spilling things for him or the presence of the Queen.

"What did you think?"

"Magnus and I, we talked," Alec says, his voice cracking for saying his name out loud.

"About?"

"That the only real way for me to become immortal was for me to become a vampire, which I don't want. And that there is no way in the world I'd expect him to become mortal for me."

"Then how bittersweet it will be for him to have to mourn your passing in a few short years," she replies, with neither compassion nor callousness in her voice at all.

"You keeping me here isn't exactly helping with that."

"Oh, you are free to leave. You _did_ leave," she adds, her expression unchanging.

"Yeah. And where did that get me?" Alec demands. "Right back here, because of whatever it is you've done to me."

"I have merely given you a gift," the Queen replies, "for which I only ask that you show me some allegiance."

"You just said that I was _useful_ to you," Alec says. "So how's that a gift?"

"It is something that is mutually beneficial to us both. You will see that, in time."

Alec closes his eyes and grits his teeth, knowing anger is going to do him no favors now. "Then what did you tell me I was _ready_ for?"

"Answers," the Queen replies, gloating and pleased. "You need only know how to ask."

Alec opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, watching as she stands and walks away. He looks around the Queen's quarters before following her out, a stream of questions forming on his tongue. The Queen is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Seelie magic is different. Magnus knows this, has been aware of it his entire life. Though as he watches the leylines twist and contort beneath his feet, he is fascinated by how distinctively different it is from his own. Warlock magic is glossy, a richness to it that is thick and weighty in its appearance, both fluid and viscous filling all of the space in which it flows. Seelie magic is ethereal, floaty, deceptive in its delicateness and elegance, coiling and spiraling around whoever conjures it as though it has its own life.

His own magic is different to most warlocks thanks to his parentage, and in truth, all magic is unique to its user. Magnus can detect the power of anyone using it, able to tell blustering pomposity like Lorenzo's from that filled with goodness and kindness like Catarina's with ease. He assumes this must also be true of Seelie magic, sure he can sense the strength behind what he is seeing.

The Seelie Queen has her hooks in. There is something of her magic woven around these ley lines that makes him think of being choked by vines. Magnus isn't sure how, and has no way to prove it, but this entire uprising seems to be being from channeled right here. In this sepulcher in a cemetery on the edge of the city far out of sight.

Magnus knows Seelies to be deceptive, to have ways of manipulation that go beyond simple plays on words. This is different, from anything he's been imagining. Tendrils of this magic is seeping into everyone's way of thinking, and Magnus doesn't have a clue how.

Using the advantage of his father's magic, Magnus inspects the magic closer, looking for fractures or pulses that might point to what is going on. He knows the Seelie Queen must be tapping into the thoughts Downworlders have about the Clave and the Shadowhunters that serve it, twisting fears into a false reality that is breeding more hatred and alarm.

There is no way to sever it, not that he can work out. Magnus can't even tell if _she_ will know he's tried to tamper with it. An ache in his gut for missing Alec pulses with the thought she might retaliate and take this out on him, but Magnus can't escape the thought that Alec is useful to her so will come to no real harm. They both are useful, he realizes, dropping his hands and letting his magic crackle out.

This isn't even a revelation. The Queen has been moving them all into position optimizing her strength by taking away their own. Magnus has known this at the same time as not knowing it, yet doesn't know how to use this information to shift the Downworld off this dangerous path.

Magnus sends a message to Izzy asking that they meet. He knows both Jace and Clary will be in tow, which is why he arranges a portal to take them where nobody else will see.

"It's so good to see you," Izzy says launching herself at him, winding Magnus with the strength of her hug.

"You too."

"Do you know anything else about Alec?" she asks as she pulls back to hold him at arm's length, studying his face.

"Nothing," he admits, watching her face all in disappointment.

"The Seelie forest is now sealed off to everyone; Downworlder and Shadowhunter."

Magnus nods at Jace's words having already inspected the new barrier for himself. He holds on to Clary when she hugs him too, allowing himself for a moment to be transported back to another time. The four of them together with Alec in their apartment catching up on each other's news, with nothing this sinister hanging over their heads.

"I suppose it is in her interest to keep everyone out."

"We're barely seeing any Seelies out there fighting; only those who have previously tried to get away from the Queen."

"Yes, well. I suppose whatever _enchantment_ she is performing is impacting everyone," Magnus tells Jace as he stares back at him as though he holds all the answers.

"How is it she can manipulate the Downworlders and what they are thinking yet she isn't having any impact on us?"

"Biscuit," Magnus says, squeezing Clary's hand, "the Seelie Queen already has influence over you. She has it over us all."

"She took Alec from our minds," Izzy says, filled with fury. "She took him away from us like we didn't ever know he was alive."

"And in his absence, the Institute has become… ineffective," Magnus says, expecting to see Jace bristle.

"Yeah, well. The Clave has essentially cut off all local control."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning every single decision comes straight from Idris now. Meaning every briefing, every instruction — everything — literally comes to us through the Clave."

"Centralised control?" Magnus asks, alarmed even though it explains why nothing seems to be happening.

"Yeah. Ineffective and probably making things a million times worse. But yeah; we can't even get a new stele these days without going through them."

Magnus is comforted, he thinks, for knowing why the Institute of New York has seemed so impotent with all that is happening. "Well. We have to find a way to turn this around."

"Magnus," Jace says, his voice raising in frustration, "we've got Shadowhunters coming through to the Institute on a daily basis, being sent out straight on patrols. Our team, everyone based here is being split up into all these groups. We don't stop patrolling, or fighting, or any of it."

"Then, how did you get away?"

"Oh, believe me. They'll notice. We'll just… figure out an excuse."

"Are many of you injured?" Magnus asks, squeezing Izzy's shoulder for her looking so crestfallen. They're all exhausted, Magnus thinks, looking at the dark bags beneath all their eyes.

"Yeah, infirmary's overflowing some days. Just got to be thankful no one's got killed in all of this."

"I and some other warlocks have been treating the Downworlders who have come into contact with your… patrols."

"Look. We didn't do anything _wrong_ here—"

"No," Magnus agrees, "not in this instance. But our memories are long, and your… treatment of Downworlders generally in the past not easy to dismiss."

"Things like that haven't even been a problem for years," Jace protests, waving away his words in irritated dismissal. "Not since Alec—"

"Alec, along with the Downworld Cabinet, brought a great many changes to how things are dealt with here. With him gone, everything seems to have unraveled. You can't blame the Downworlders for living in fear if the person who brought about those changes was erased from their memory as well."

"But they remember him. We all remember him now."

"Clary," Magnus says, "that doesn't mean the Downworlders can forget the brutality and injustices of the Clave. Even Alec would not… even Alec would not expect all the Clave's previous offenses to be forgiven."

It hurts to talk of Alec as though he is gone from their lives when he is still here, trapped, facing the Seelie world on his own. It's also a comfort to be able to share his memory with others who love him. Magnus doesn't feel so lost or alone for being able to share his memory, even if they don't have a way yet to get him back.

"There has to be something we can do here," he says, more to himself than anyone. "What if I cut off the permanent portal so no more Shadowhunters can come through from Alicante?"

"Yeah, that's a great idea," Jace says, dripping with sarcasm. "Cut off all our reinforcements and just let the Institute get torn down."

"It's not as though the Clave will be reasoned with. Or will listen to us if we go to them with our suspicion about the Seelie Queen being in control."

"Yeah, well. The Clave's not going to listen while the Downworlders are attacking us. Magnus, they're literally setting fire to some Institutes in places. Not here, but we've still got our work cut out."

Magnus bids them goodbye through a portal when it's obvious there are no answers to be found during their meeting. He stares after them even when the portal is closed, still going over scenarios of what to do.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

He is waiting for him. Alec watches Meliorn where he sits in the middle of apparently nowhere in total silence, yet knows for certain he is aware of being observed.

"You are curious," Meliorn calls out without moving, not even a ripple across his back. Alec stares at him for a moment longer then walks around him in a wide circle, mirroring his position sitting cross-legged on the forest floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Meditating. You should try it. You might be interested in what you see."

Meliorn's eyes are closed, his hands resting loosely around his knees. Alec finds himself imitating and tries not to, sweeping his hands down his thighs before they come to a stop.

"I don't even know how to."

"You could stop talking, for a start."

Alec glares at his closed eyelids and the twitch of an amused smile, sucking in a deep breath and trying to settle.

"Just _feel_. Breathe deep. Let go of all you are thinking to become one with your surroundings. Be aware of the ground beneath you and the sky overhead."

"Well, that's not hard, or anything."

"Shadowhunters are always so sure of their place in the world," Meliorn replies. "You should be wiser than that now."

Alec's stomach drops, but he doesn't move his position, only knowing Meliorn is aware of it for the way that he smiles.

"You have nothing to fear."

"Oh, yeah?" Alec argues. "My entire life's been snatched from me. Things are happening to me I don't understand—"

"What things?"

"I _feel_ things."

"Such as?"

"Everything. The forest. Everything around me," Alec says, imagining he is reaching out with his mind. There is a bird making its nest in a tree off to their right and it isn't happy with its arrangement, constantly moving twigs around. They will lay their eggs here this evening, and are anxious to be prepared for it. Without really trying, Alec sends out a thought to soothe the bird and feels it calm.

"You are becoming," Meliorn says.

"Becoming what?"

"You know."

"If I knew, would I be sat here asking you questions?"

"You are barely asking me anything at all."

Alec grits his teeth and tells himself to listen, going back to breathing deep and keeping still. He reaches out in his mind again, this time surveying the trees and everything living in them. He feels the presence of Seelies throughout the forest, pushing hard until he finds the edge of it and comes up against a wall. He can move through it with his thoughts, pushing on until he reaches the city, tasting the chaos that is on the streets on his tongue. There is fighting, and arguing, and so much tension that Alec needs to retreat. When he's back in his own head Meliorn is staring at him, the smile creeping across his face one of triumph.

"You know, Alec. There is a reason the barrier between your world and this one was thinner in some places more than others."

Alec doesn't say anything, just continues to stare, hoping that Meliorn will get to the point.

"Here is the beginning of all our dimensions," Meliorn says with a careless wave around them. "Everything begins and ends in this very forest. There are some Seelie who walk between the dimensions without ever truly finding one where they belong."

"How many dimensions are there?"

"More than we are aware of."

"So why was it different for me? When I was with Magnus?" Alec blurts out, not liking how easily his words form from his thoughts. He's used to holding back what he's thinking, to keeping a shield up around those he doesn't trust. Here, he is unguarded, through no choice of his own. It makes him nervous, even though a wave of relaxation seems to soothe him that he doesn't think comes from himself.

"Magnus is a powerful being."

"Yeah. He is," Alec agrees, "but it's not that. I know it's not that."

Alec does know. Alec thinks he even knows why, even if he can't explain it, but wants to hear it from another person out loud.

"Those who are lucky enough to find the person they are supposed to spend their lives with, the ones you could call _soulmates_ if you chose. These people are difficult to truly leave behind, wherever we walk."

Alec closes his eyes, missing Magnus harder than ever, trying to reach out again within his mind's eye.

"It will take practice. You will be able to reach him from here. Though whether he can communicate with you remains to be seen."

"I don't want to _reach_ him. I want to be _with_ him."

"But do you want it enough?"

Alec is incensed. He needs Magnus with every part of his being, this accusation that he might not want him rising bile up in his throat. He is too angry to answer, watching in silence as Meliorn rises fluidly to his feet.

"Everything you need is around you. Every answer that you seek on the tip of your tongue."

"Why are you helping me?" Alec demands as he gets to his feet to join him, even if this doesn't feel like much help at all.

"It is you that is helping you."

"Then why are you helping me to help myself?"

Meliorn observes him, so still that Alec dares not breathe. He nods once, and begins to turn from him. "For two reasons."

"Which are?"

"Isabelle is an example of what all Shadowhunters are capable of being, if they would but open their minds."

Alec clenches his fists not wanting to think of Meliorn's relationship with Izzy, even if he knows that Meliorn would never have done her harm. It is hard enough being here alone with his memories of everyone without having fresh ones forced into his mind. He's tempted to watch Meliorn walk away from him so he doesn't have to think anymore, yet finds himself calling out before he gets too far.

"And the second?"

Meliorn comes to a stop, head bowed slightly forward with his back to Alec. He looks half over his shoulder, speaking softly enough that Alec has to concentrate to hear his words. Not that the distance between them is any particular problem anymore.

"There are things in our world that require balance. The Accords are far from perfect, though what is currently being created will do no better. In fact, it might be more harmful."

"You're going behind the back of your own Queen to tell me this?" Alec taunts, even though he remembers the injuries on Meliorn's face from the last time he defied her. He wonders now how she ever invited Meliorn back with such a lack of trust.

"Our Queen is a fair ruler to those who would wish to be ruled. To those of us who desire more freedom, those rules are difficult to follow."

"So, what. You're thinking of leading an uprising within this uprising?" Alec asks, not believing him.

"I know my place in the world," Meliorn says as he turns again to face him. Alec can make out his smile even from this distance away.

"Meaning what?"

"I am no leader. I am merely a soldier. But you, Alec Lightwood. Your sister used to tell me that you were born to lead. Perhaps the time for that is now."

Alec shakes his head, no better at deciphering a Seelie's convoluted thinking than he's ever been. "I don't know what you think I can do."

"I think you can be who you are."

Alec slaps his hands down by his sides waiting for a better explanation, staring out through the trees as Meliorn leaves.

* * *

"Is no one from the Clave interested in finding _Alec Lightwood_?" Catarina asks as Magnus pours her drink.

"Apparently not."

"Maryse can't get a single person in the Clave to take a call," Luke adds holding out his own glass. "They won't let her leave Alicante, but completely ostracized her for everything that went down when they cleared up after Valentine."

Simple problems, Magnus thinks, almost wistful for simpler times.

"Alec is collateral. A martyr," Raphael adds as he watches them, fingers clasped between his knees where he sits. "If he is lost during this fighting, his name can be weaponized. It would make it easy to justify even worse sanctions from the Clave."

Magnus doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to admit how right he is. Fury for Alec being used as a pawn in both sides of this _uprising_ makes him want to lash out, break everything within his reach. He lies awake sometimes sure he can feel the earth moving beneath him, yet is also struck by the ceasing of time. Everything is off without Alec. Because he loves him. Because he needs him. And because it's impossible trying to focus on anything that isn't dreaming up ridiculous ways of trying to get Alec back.

"Doesn't Alec's father have any influence left with the Clave? Can't he do something to get some movement on trying to help his own son?"

"Robert's probably just doing what he's always doing. Looking out for number one and covering his tracks."

Magnus gives Luke a pointed look for his biased response to Catarina's question, not that he is feeling generous enough to defend Robert himself. "Whatever the reason, the Clave isn't interested in trying to help Alec."

"I wouldn't put it beyond the Clave to wipe all record of him anyway," Raphael says. "It's not like they didn't have the perfect excuse with this _spell_ the Seelie Queen did to erase all memory of him."

"Even that's suspect. I know she's the Seelie Queen, but, c'mon. How's she got all that power to just erase someone like that?"

"Lucien," Magnus says with an apologetic smile when he looks at him. "Her power is beyond any of our understanding. And besides, this isn't purely _her_ magic. She must have harnessed magic from the dimension she sent Alec to as well."

"Dimensions have their own magic?"

"Of course."

Luke huffs in disbelief and takes a large gulp of his drink, slumping back in his chair.

"The point is. However any of this happened isn't what's important; it isn't as though we can find a thread to unravel to reveal the source of our problems."

"The permanent portals are all still in place?" Catarina asks, waving her glass for Magnus' attention.

"They are."

"No way for us to disable them?"

"Not easily."

"Since when have we ever done anything that's _easy_?" Catarina protests, smiling at him.

"But that's just playing into the Seelie Queen's hands," Luke says. "We cut off all sources of the Shadowhunters getting reinforcements to whatever cities need them. Downworlders rush into Institutes across the world, and what? Take over? Seelie Queen sweeps in and takes control? How's that any better?"

"It isn't," Magnus agrees. "Whatever we do here can't destabilize either side. Not until we have something better in place."

"Who says the Seelie Queen gets to control any of this?" Raphael asks. "My clan isn't answering to any Seelie."

"Neither is my pack. But us, Raphael, we're just small fry compared with her. She rules Seelies across the whole damn world, not just here in New York. The rest of us aren't exactly set up for some kind of… world domination. We'd be defeated before the day is out."

"Can you imagine the Shadow World under the rule of _Lorenzo Rey_?" Catarina asks, laughing, and all Magnus can do is groan. She stays behind when Luke and Raphael leave when they still have no answers, toying at a meal neither one of them has any appetite for.

"You'd probably do a decent job," she says when they're each laid out on a sofa with drained glasses at their sides.

"What?"

"Ruling the Downworlders. All of them."

"My dear Catarina. While I am touched at your belief in me—"

"I'm serious," Catarina insists raising her head just enough to look at him. "Before any of this happened, you were the best High Warlock any of us have ever seen."

"I don't know about that—"

"I _do_. You'd be great. People listen to you, Magnus."

"Only some. I wouldn't want the entire Downworld looking to me for guidance either," Magnus adds, grimacing out loud at the thought.

"But you're a _leader_ , Magnus. This is what we _need_."

"Not the whole world."

"So maybe not the whole world. Maybe you just start small. Start here."

"Are you suggesting I usurp _Lorenzo_?" Magnus asks, lifting his head up to give her an incredulous smile.

"I'd even help. Get that bastard out of here and you back where you belong."

"I don't know about that—"

"I'm not stroking your ego, here," she says, laughing, before looking at her watch and sighing, then sitting up. "I just think maybe what we're thinking here is too big. That we _need_ to start out small. Figure out what to do here and… hope it has some kind of domino effect elsewhere. If we can do anything, that is. Gotta be better than sitting here talking but not really saying anything, right?"

Magnus is still thinking about it long after Catarina goes home, staring up at the ceiling of his and Alec's bedroom so wired that he doesn't think he can sleep at all. He's too restless, barely resisting the urge to get back up and pace. Something is pressing on his thoughts like a hidden memory, begging to be replayed, though nothing is coming to the surface. He turns on his side, pretending the scent of Alec there on the pillow is still lingering when he hugs it to his chest.

Magnus is drifting off into a restless sleep when he hears him, sitting bolt upright for Alec's voice whispering on a breeze. He stares out across the room seeking him out, trying to find the spot he's standing in wondering how he got through. Though that sense of someone being here isn't lingering as it did before. Magnus carefully peels back the comforter and swings his feet over the side of the bed.

"Alexander. Are you here? Can you hear me?"

Magnus' eyes dart around the room in the dark seeking him out, finding nothing at all. He squeezes his eyes shut in exasperation wondering if missing Alec has finally got too much. Is he hallucinating him now in his absence?

 _Magnus_.

Magnus startles from the bed, standing and twisting to look around him, half-expecting to find Alec sprawled out where he just sat.

"Alec?"

 _Magnus_ , he hears again, more urgent, more confident this time. Magnus' heart begins to race as he presses his palm to his temple, straining to hear.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

_Are you here?_

Alec's heart lurches in relief, his sob loud enough to echo around the edges of his clearing. He tries to keep perfectly still not wanting to break the connection, not sure how this is supposed to work.

"Can you hear me?"

_I can. I think. It's more that I can feel you._

"I don't even know how I'm doing this," Alec says, laughing and wondering if this will work if he isn't speaking out loud. When it doesn't he is frustrated and determined to practice but still has no clue how any of this is possible so will take whatever he can get.

_Alexander?_

"I'm here," he says, closing his eyes trying to lean into the thought of Magnus. "I'm here."

 _I can't see you_.

"No. No, I'm still in the Seelie forest."

_Then… how is this happening?_

"I don't know. I don't know anything, Magnus, but I… I needed to try this."

_I love you, Alec. It's so good to hear you._

Alec can feel the distress in his voice even if he can't see it for himself, can tell Magnus is trying not to show he's upset. "I know. I'm so sorry; I couldn't stay with you. Not like that."

_Of course not. Are they treating you okay? Are you okay?_

"I'm fine," Alec says, closing his eyes so he can picture him. "I'm doing okay. I don't want to be here, but until I figure things out, I guess I don't have much choice."

 _We will get you out of there_.

"I love you," Alec says, hoping Magnus can't hear his tears, "I love you so much."

 _We'll figure this out, Alec_. I promise you we will.

"Yeah. We will."

Alec tells him everything, tells him all that has happened, trying to make sense of it in his mind as he does. Magnus is patient, and calm, putting everything into perspective. Alec feels his fear when he reveals all that is happening with _him_ yet Magnus is still his rock, never once faltering or voicing his panic.

 _This is already an improvement, being able to speak with you_ , Magnus tells him, and Alec can feel the truth of it in the relief in his voice.

"I don't know how I'm doing it. I don't even know if I can do it again."

_You will need to keep trying, Alexander. Please don't give up._

Alec nods, draws in a long breath, and tries to clear his thoughts. It is hard when all he wants to do is reach out to hold Magnus, hearing his voice both soothing and the worst kind of torture. "I won't."

He curls up on his side imagining he is laid there next to Magnus, tries to feel his fingers slotting through his own as they talk. He presses his thumb pad into the back of his engagement ring clinging on to the feeling of being grounded. Magnus is always with him really, even here where they can't be together. But Alec feels anchored now for hearing his voice, even if it's not out loud.

 _I think you must have retained something of your angel blood, Alec. I know it sounds impossible, but I think that you must_.

"Hey," Alec says, laughing, realizing how good it feels to laugh. "I'm stuck in another dimension hearing the wings of insects beating, and trees drinking. I'm talking to _you_ somehow, in my own head. Nothing seems impossible right now."

_Impossible just means try again?_

"Exactly."

Alec feels Magnus smile and tries to lean into it, aching to be home.

_Well. I should let you rest. We have been talking for hours._

"Have we?" Alec asks, surprised when he looks up at the sky. The sun is rising, lightness beginning to seep in. His canopy of stars still twinkle but it's clear the dawn is approaching, even though it feels like no time has passed at all.

_Alexander. Time is a different concept for Seelies._

"Well, I'm _not_ Seelie."

_I think we have to get used to the idea that perhaps you are now. At least, that a part of you is._

Magnus is scared of what that means. No matter how hard he tries to hide it.

"So I'm some weird mix of Shadowhunter, Seelie, and Mundane?" Alec asks, demanding an answer he knows Magnus can't give him.

_I don't know how any of this works. I don't know what is happening. But the things you are describing are Seelie experiences, Alec. I don't know how it's possible for you to have retained, or regained your angel blood when you re-entered that realm. I don't know why you were so weak as a Mundane. I don't think we will have the answers for some time._

"We do have bigger problems to think about. With the uprising."

_You are an important part in that._

"As are you," Alec points out. "You think for a second any of this would have happened if you'd still been High Warlock? It wouldn't, Magnus. You wouldn't have let it happen."

_No, I suppose I wouldn't have. But the Seelie Queen has her pawns in place. We are but two of them, dealing with the consequences of her manipulation._

Alec doesn't think any one of them are really dealing with anything, since no progress seems to be being made. He is no closer to finding a permanent way out of this dimension, and from the sounds of things back home the uprising is only gaining ground. He can only hope this new connection he's found with Magnus will hold, and be useful to start turning this mess around.

"I love you," he says again, curling up into a tighter ball. "I miss you, so much."

 _I miss you too. Please take care of yourself in there, Alexander. I don't trust any of them for a second; even those who seem to be offering their help_.

Alec can only agree. He struggles to hold on to fresh tears, and forces himself to say goodbye.

* * *

There is new life flowing through Magnus' veins. It hasn't even been a week since Alec has found a way to contact him, though that they get to speak every day has lifted his mood. He misses him, just as hard as he has every day since he realized Alec had been taken from him. But there is renewed vigor in everything Magnus does since being able to hear his voice again.

It's been a source of comfort and strength to Jace, Izzy, and Clary as well. Magnus laughs as he remembers them all sitting here on his couch when Alec _contacted_ him, passing on messages that left them both bewildered and teary-eyed. It's weirdest for Jace, so used to being able to sense Alec's whereabouts and feelings, and now not getting any sense of him at all. Magnus wants to be sympathetic for it yet wouldn't give up this communication with Alec for the world even if he could share it. He _needs_ Alec; this _talking_ is going to buoy him until he gets Alec home.

"So. Alec is using some kind of telepathy to speak with you," Catarina says, as though this isn't the first time they've discussed it.

"I don't know about this being telepathy. But then again, I don't know that it _isn't_."

"That's not normal Seelie… stuff. Strength. Whatever."

"For all that we know of Seelies, it could be," Magnus replies, loathing that there is so much they don't know. The natural inclination of everyone to mistrust Seelies has meant their histories, abilities, and even customs are guarded more than any other Downworlder. It has left them in the dark about so many things, and Magnus is angry that there is so little to help them now.

"Alec can't talk to anybody else? Not like this?"

"No," Magnus says, swirling his glass as he tries to think of how to make all these puzzle pieces fit in his head.

"He hasn't tried?"

"He has, but it seems I'm the only one he can speak to."

"And you don't think part of that might be to do with _you_?" Catarina asks, making Magnus look up from staring at the carpet.

"Me?"

"Magnus. You've got all kinds of things you can do that other warlocks can't."

"Because of my father," Magnus replies, his stomach churning in discomfort for Catarina's assumption. "You think that might have something to do with this?"

"I'm not saying it's because of your father. You're a talented, powerful warlock in your own right. I just think you have to consider why Alec can connect with you when he can't with anybody else."

Magnus thinks of all Alec has told him about his conversations with the Seelie Queen and Meliorn, choosing to pick the best parts of what he'd said and focus on those instead. "In any case. However it is happening, we still haven't figured out a way to use it to help get him back here."

"But he seems okay?"

"I think so. As well as he can be given the circumstances. Alec said that none of the other Seelies will even talk to him; he is all alone in the world, Catarina," Magnus adds, hating the images that thought puts in his mind.

"I suppose that means no one's talking in front of him either."

"He's listening. He said that he knows when Seelies are returning from whatever fights they are participating in beyond the forest."

"I thought we'd not seen any Seelies out on the streets?" Catarina asks, looking back at him in surprise.

"Well. He hears when they are returning from wherever they are returning, then," Magnus amends.

"If the Seelies have some kind of… war, or dispute, or something that the rest of us don't know about, you think it's tied with this?"

"It would seem a lot of work to go to, to make Alec believe the Seelies are out fighting amongst other Downworlders. Not impossible, but I can only assume the Seelie Queen would be using her soldiers for something more… significant."

"But why?" Catarina asks. "What's she gaining from all of this?"

"We don't know enough about the intricacies of the Seelie World to be sure there aren't problems or _wars waging_ somewhere within their realm. Who is to say that this entire situation is not directly linked with that?"

"But we don't know that anything is happening."

"We don't know that it isn't," Magnus points out. "Look. Everything here, everything that is happening; does any of it _feel_ right to you?"

"I don't—"

"All this talk of an _uprising_ ; how long did it take before any actual fighting happened? All these ideas we think the Seelie Queen has been suggesting into the thoughts of Downworlders; why did it take so long for them to react? We keep hearing about these reinforcements being sent through from the Clave, yet surely they would just take the Downworlders they are fighting with into custody, or conveniently come up with Accords violations to charge them with something?"

"What are you saying?" Catarina asks, shaking her head.

"We have been treating injuries for _weeks_. According to Jace, the same is true of Shadowhunters in the Institute. How can all of this fighting be happening with this history of violence we have between Shadowhunters and Downworlders, with not one single fatality being reported on either side?"

Catarina nods, thinking his words over, though she doesn't have any better answers than him.

"Well. Whatever is happening, wherever it is happening, it still doesn't change the fact that we don't know how to fix this. The Seelie Queen isn't replying to any messages from any of us. Lorenzo is falling apart for not having anyone to back up his authority—"

"Which I am not gloating for seeing at all," Magnus adds, smiling for the thought of how out of his depth Lorenzo must feel now.

"Exactly. Whatever's going on we're not solving anything, because we don't know what it is that is happening."

"Well this is an incredibly helpful conversation," Magnus says, looking away and smiling as he feels Catarina's disapproving gaze boring into the side of his face.

"Then, what do you suggest we do?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be sitting here. I would be confronting the Seelie Queen demanding that we talk."

"Maybe we should be doing that anyway."

"If I thought that would work, I would try it. But you know as well as I do, she has completely sealed the entrance to the Seelie world."

"Which means these soldiers Alec is seeing, or hearing, must be coming from elsewhere?" Catarina says, her eyes wide in understanding.

"Exactly."

"There's something you're not telling me. Isn't there."

"I don't know what you mean."

" _Magnus_ —"

"Alec," Magnus says, unable to stop himself smiling. "I am waiting to hear from Alec. He has an idea."

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

He's getting stronger. Alec might not know exactly what is happening to him, but his abilities seem to be growing by the day. His runes, which have been dormant for so long now he'd almost forgotten how they felt, thrum with new potential. He can't draw new runes, but a single thought about the ones already on his skin make them pulse muted green as they activate. He's tested each individually, tried everything aside from his parabatai rune, hesitant about reaching out to Jace. Alec already fears it's the one rune he'll never get to work fully again, and he's not truly ready for the confirmation of that. Besides, he doesn't want to have his connection with Magnus severed. All these new abilities he's showing won't always be ignored by the Seelies he's living amongst. One additional connection trying to contact Jace seems a risk too much. There is no need to involve anybody else yet, not until he knows for sure.

"Okay, Magnus," he says, unconsciously shaking his hand down by his side. "I'm gonna try now. Are you ready?"

 _As I can be_.

"A little more confidence, please," Alec teases, even as he tries to control his nerves.

 _Alexander. I have every faith in you_.

"As I do in you. That's why we're here, right?"

 _That, and I have become very tired of pacing the same four walls without company. I don't even have anyone to bring me tea in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and decide to keep working_.

Alec snorts in amusement knowing Magnus will feel it in his thoughts, continuing to walk forward through the forest until he finds the very edge. He lifts his hands instinctively when he comes to a stop, startling when a drawing sensation bursts from his palms forming a mist that climbs and spreads against the barrier created by the Seelie Queen.

"Magnus. I think it's working," Alec says, sure that the space being covered by this mist is getting thinner. He wishes he could get confirmation of that by something becoming visible on the other side.

_I can't see any changes._

"Well. Where are you? Can you walk along the edge of it from out there?"

 _I can try_.

Alec feels Magnus' apprehension and tries not to focus on it, concentrating on this power that seems to be seeping from his hands. It isn't a power from _him_ ; Alec can feel it being drawn up from the ground through his body as though he is only a conduit to allow it to pass through.

 _Wait. I think I see something, Alexander_.

There is hope and excitement now firing through Magnus' thoughts. Alec uses it to press harder, breathing deep in the technique Meliorn has shown him, sure the barrier is now only mere inches across.

Alec's heart is racing, fearful of the Seelie Queen or any other Seelie creeping up on him for realizing what he is about to do. That they don't approach him also concerns him, not trusting their silence to be ignorance. The thought of them now trying to stop him narrows Alec's focus further still, sure the barrier is now gossamer thin and easy to break through.

"Okay. Magnus, are you out there?"

"I am."

"Magnus," he says, his voice rising in excitement for being able to hear Magnus out loud. "Magnus, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," he says, full of joy and pride for him.

"Do you think maybe you can help? Maybe try to push through?"

Alec watches a light form on the other side recognizing it as Magnus' magic even through the wall. Bright sparks of it begin to interact with the mist until finally, a gap is opening through it, and Alec is sobbing because he can see him, Magnus is here, he's really _here_.

"Well, hello," Magnus says and then is stepping through, wrapping Alec up tight in his arms.

"You did it."

"You did it. _We_ did it, Alexander," Magnus replies, the words muffled into his shoulder since neither one of them can bear to let go.

"Are you sure you want to be here?" Alec asks, and Magnus' snort tells him just how foolish a question it is.

"Alexander," Magnus says, pulling back enough to cup his face and look at him with such love Alec is euphoric for it. "There is nowhere in this world — or any world — that I wouldn't follow you."

"She could trap you here like she has me," Alec tells him, still grasping on to his arms.

"Then I have the best company. And we will deal with her together."

Magnus swirls his thumb over Alec's cheek, and he is lost and found all in the same moment, sinking in relief when he leans in for a kiss. Alec sobs against his mouth clinging on to drag him even closer, feeling Magnus doing the same. It feels impossible to break apart even when they need to breathe, pulling back only enough to stare at one another in disbelief before kissing again.

"Do you think she knows you're here?" Alec asks as they slot their hands together, making their way back through the forest.

"I'm sure the Seelie Queen is aware of all her visitors."

"Maybe this was her plan all along."

"Even if it wasn't, you can be sure she will act as such."

"I can't believe you're here," Alec whispers, pulling him closer again. Magnus falls against him willingly, wrapping his arm around his waist.

"I can't believe the power you just used," Magnus retorts, raising Alec's hand to swirl his thumb over his palm.

"I don't think it's anything I get to keep. It doesn't feel a part of me like other things do."

"Such as?" Magnus asks, ducking beneath his arm and gripping Alec around the waist as they walk.

"The hearing. The awareness. This new thing with my runes; that's all me. This stuff we just did back there? That feels like it was borrowed."

"Well. Let's hope whomever you borrowed it from doesn't want something unseemly in return."

Alec presses a kiss to his temple inhaling Magnus' scent, pointing out a direction for them to take. "This way."

"I didn't know if I would be able to touch you," Magnus says, squeezing around him.

"Neither did I. But since all this stuff has been happening with me I've felt more, I guess, solid here."

Magnus presses his head into Alec's neck and sighs there. "I wish we had more time."

Alec agrees. He wants to pause the world, spend time with Magnus, be selfish and reclaim this part of his life. But there is no time; everything that is happening is coming to a head, he can feel it. They have to push through this next part whatever the outcome if they are ever to have any semblance of _them_ again.

* * *

She wasn't expecting to see him. Magnus can tell as he stares back at the Seelie Queen still gripping on to Alec, determined not to let him out of his sight again. Alec stares back at her just as hard without saying a thing, and it's with enough force to see the smallest flicker of doubt form on her face.

"What do you want?" the Seelie Queen asks, focusing her gaze on Alec.

"To know what is going on. To know why you're doing this. All of it."

"You followed that path—"

"That you put me on," Alec finishes for her, strong and determined as Magnus remembers hearing him speak when back in the Institute. He squeezes around his waist telling his knees they won't fail him for being filled with such relief.

The Seelie Queen continues to stare at Alec, hard enough for Magnus to believe they are talking in their minds. Though Alec doesn't flinch, doesn't react as though he is hearing anything. The Seelie Queen relents with an impatient sigh before turning away.

"What do you know?"

"That the Seelies are at war. That they have been fighting. And that whoever they are fighting isn't out _there_. It's in _here_ , somewhere in between these realms."

"It is interesting that you speak of the Seelies as though you are not now a part of our world."

"Only a part," Alec replies. "Only a part that you created. The moment I can, I'll be gone."

"You assume you are free to do as such," the Queen replies as she looks at him over his shoulder.

"I do. Because I am. Now; are you going to answer my question, or not?"

Magnus watches the exchange in silence. There is no fear from Alec, no recognition of any authority in the Queen. How she must hate it, he thinks, watching the slight stiffness in her spine as she walks. How hard must it be to command the respect she demands.

"There are always wars being fought somewhere," the Queen replies when she turns back around.

"Right. But not every war is one you're interested in, or involved in. Why's this one so important?"

"There are things about our world that you do not know."

"I can find out," Alec says, shrugging. "Not like I don't have the time now."

Magnus watches a flash of _something_ dance in the Queen's eyes but doesn't get the chance to try to interpret it.

"The Shadow World for too long has been ruled by the Clave, whose only interest is its own."

"True," Alec says, "though not what I asked."

The Queen is incensed but does her best to hide it, turning away not quite quick enough for Magnus not to catch her scowl. "It is all linked."

"Everything can be  _linked_ ," Alec argues. "The sky, the sea, the ground we're standing here on."

Alec sounds different, Magnus realizes, his heart skipping for it, he sounds certain, sure of himself like he hasn't done in months. Whatever is happening to Alec, whatever he is becoming, Magnus has to hold on to the hope that all it does for him is good.

"What do you know?" the Queen asks Alec again, pouring herself a drink that she doesn't offer to either of them.

"Every morning Seelies leave here in full armor disappearing through an edge of this barrier you've put up around the forest. Every evening they come back and there are less of them, or they're wounded, or falling down from sheer exhaustion. No one in _this_ world has seen Seelies taking part in any of the fighting that's supposedly happening between Shadowhunters and Downworlders."

The Queen looks at Magnus as though figuring out how she has been betrayed by them, clearly unaware of them sharing thoughts. It is the first time Magnus thinks he has ever seen the Seelie Queen look caught off balance. Something is unraveling here and Magnus is determined to find out what.

"Your magic is splintering," he says, catching a tiny flicker of alarm in her eyes. "I was studying the ley lines; your attachment to them, whatever you are doing to harness this power you have over everyone is not fit for its purpose. You are failing, Milady."

The Queen is incensed, her breath coming out in soft blasts as she seethes at him. "It is not my magic."

Magnus feels Alec jolt against him, sure it is in triumph.

"It isn't. Is it?" Alec agrees, throwing his head back and laughing. Magnus half-wants to ask what the joke is. "All this time we've been thinking it's been _you_ trying to gain control over the Shadow World. All this time we thought it was _you_ working against us, manipulating us so that  _you_ could rule, or whatever it is you'd be doing if you represented the entire Downworld. But it isn't that at all. Is it?"

Magnus turns his head to look at Alec then looks back at the Queen, sure she is vibrating with fury. He doesn't know what is happening, doesn't know what pieces Alec is putting together that he can't make fit. He squeezes Alec back absently when he hugs him, smiling in confusion at the kiss pressed to his temple for just how _relaxed_ Alec feels.

"All this time you've been manipulating us, it's not to control us at all. Is it?"

The Queen grits her teeth at Alec's demand for an answer, drawing herself up tall and only answering with a nod.

"Alec," Magnus says, not sure he can stand to wait any longer. "What is it?"

"She's been putting all this — everything she's done with us — it's all because she wants us to _help_ her. She needs our _help_."

* * *

When Alec had started exploring the forest trying to find a way to escape, there had been boundaries he couldn't cross that would shift and move. They would feel north one day when he tried to push past them, then any other compass direction when he tried again. Alec knows the Seelie Court itself can shift and move in ripples, yet to him it feels fixed. It is an unsettling feeling since it makes him believe he is more a part of the Seelie World than he wants to be, yet he always tries to appear neutral not to let it show.

When he had returned to this realm for the second time becoming more aware of his _differences_ by the day, Alec had explored those points that kept seeming to move and shift, sensing them to be  _different_ from the Seelie World he was getting to know. They were Fey, though none that he could recognize, and the meaning behind that he hasn't put together until now.

"The Unseelie King," Alec says staring at the Queen, knowing he's right for the way the air seems to shimmer around her. "He's trying to gain, or regain, control of the Seelie Court. He wants to rule all of the Fey worlds."

"But that's—"

"It's _his_ power you were seeing in the ley lines," Alec says, squeezing Magnus to him. "Well. His _and_ hers. He is trying to gain control here. She is retaliating by trying to control us."

"The Unseelie King has no interest in _us_ , Alec. Not in Shadowhunters, or—"

"But the _Queen_ would happily rule anything and anyone."

Alec knows that is true as well, because the look she gives him is one of pure betrayal. Everything is making sense for him now; all Alec wants to do is laugh.

"Alec," Magnus prompts half-under his breath, pressing tighter into his side.

"The Seelies here are losing their fight with those of the Unseelie Court. The Seelies are too proud to ask for reinforcements, or back up, or anything, so wouldn't ask for help from any of _us_. Yet the Queen sees we are still useful to her; if she gets to rule over the Downworlders, then if she loses control here, she hasn't lost all of her power. And if she is patient, since we all know Seelies take their time to get revenge, then she can use the Shadow World and _its_ power, collectively, to fight back against the Unseelie King."

Alec knows he's right, he can feel it. He also knows that somewhere along the line things have gone wrong. The Seelie Queen could not have predicted how the realm she tricked him into would change him, how he could harness all there is around him to become all he is now. That she hoped to bribe him with the promise of longevity, of a long life that he could spend beside Magnus, was only done when she could see how he was changing; even she has no idea what he will eventually become.

It should scare him, all that is coursing through him so foreign yet feeling as natural as his own skin. Alec knows there are so many changes ahead for him and everyone around him, but all that matters now is solving this particular problem. Everything else will fall into place. Because the Seelie Queen had been so sure that she could manipulate Alec into doing whatever she wanted that she gave him almost a part of herself. It is why he senses wherever she is, can know what she is feeling. Alec is empowered for it instead of being weakened, and the Queen does not know what to do with that at all.

"You're going to release whatever hold you have on the Shadow World. Now."

The Queen's eyes flare at Alec's demand but she doesn't move.

"From this dimension, I can get into all the other Fey realms and dimensions. Including the Unseelie Court," Alec adds. "If you think I can't reach the Unseelie King, give him a way to get through to here just like I did Magnus, well. You could wait, see what happens."

A blast of energy crackles in the air between them. Alec doesn't let himself flinch. The Seelie Queen's attempts to strike him are blocked before she even gets to send whatever curse she is building his way. First, for Magnus' magic coiling up to wrap around it and squeeze, and second for Alec's own snap of fingers once the spell is contained. He observes it hanging in the air and spinning then pushes it back towards her, gloating as she stares mouth open in surprise.

"This is you. Your _magic_. Magic that you _gave_ me. How do you think it is going to work on me — against me?"

"Not that I would ever give it chance to," Magnus adds, fury rippling through his voice vicious enough for Alec to pull him back.

"Whatever manipulations you've got in place. Undo them. Now. I won't ask again."

Alec smiles when Magnus nudges into his side for his words, not taking his eyes from the Queen. She looks either ready to implode from her anger or about three seconds away from one hell of a tantrum. But out of nowhere the air begins to spiral around her, the wind enough to whip leaves from the ground that hit them in the face. Alec holds his ground, clinging to Magnus, feeling him hold on just as tight.

* * *

The entire world has shifted. As they walk through the streets hand in hand taking in their surroundings, Magnus feels like he is whole again. The ominous feeling that had hung in the air for so long is lifted, and Magnus now relishes all that he sees. There is a patrol of Shadowhunters a little ahead of them that stop to speak to a werewolf, waving him on his way without any sign of trouble. And when they walk into the Hunters Moon it is to a babble of noise he hasn't heard since so long ago. If anything, there is excitement in the air, a hopeful feeling of a new beginning that possibly won't last until morning. Magnus will soak up every moment of it in the here and now.

"Think we've got our work cut out getting things back to normal?" Alec asks as he tucks into his side once they've settled in a quiet corner of the bar.

"Well. Establishing whatever our new normal is going to be is going to take a lot of time and effort from all of us," Magnus replies, having no idea how things are going to be changed and yet similar to what they used to be.

"Not like they're gonna let me go back to work being like _this_ ," Alec says with a vague wave at himself. Whatever Alec is now is one of the biggest things they need to figure out. He isn't a Shadowhunter, not anymore, and he's worlds away from being a Mundane. Magnus can feel the Seelie elements within him yet can't tell all Alec will be able to do. Whatever the Queen gave him is still growing in Alec; who knows what he will be capable of when it is done?

"No. I imagine not. Though I hope," Magnus adds as he kisses him, "that you are in no hurry to return back to work when I haven't had you here for so long."

"Only if _you_ promise not to get straight back to work here either," Alec replies, nuzzling against his cheek.

"Lorenzo is still, technically, the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

"Magnus," Alec whispers, turning Magnus' head so he can kiss him again. "You could live on the Moon and you'd still do a better job of taking care of your people than he's ever done being here."

"How can you know that?"

"It's obvious."

"You're biased."

"Always, when it comes to you."

Magnus can't help smiling for that, can't keep reaching out to reassure himself that Alec is really here by his side. "Well. Let's not think about that now."

"No," Alec agrees, also seeming not to be able to stop touching him. "No. We have enough to think about."

"I am surprised that you wanted to come here, of all places," Magnus admits, wishing they had gone straight home. Alec had been adamant about coming here to the Hunters Moon, his eyes when they aren't on Magnus darting constantly around the bar taking in everything he sees.

"Well. If we'd gone straight home," Alec says, making Magnus wonder if he's still reading his thoughts, "I don't know how I'd have convinced myself to leave again any time soon. I kind of want us to resolve whatever we need to _now_ so we… Magnus. I really need some time that's just _us_."

Magnus understands it and is pleased to hear it, leaning in to claim another kiss. "And we will have that. Wherever you want."

"Home first," Alec insists. "Then, wherever you want to take to us. I just wanna see everyone here, and then just... be _home_. With you."

"You know I have not a single objection to that."

Alec drops his forehead against Magnus' and sighs in relief, fingers curling tight into his side as he turns a little more to face him. "I wanted to see that everything was okay here. I needed a moment to breathe before we go to the Institute, and I have to face everybody that didn't even know I was gone."

Magnus' heart breaks for Alec. They both know what happened was nobody's fault, but Magnus can't help imagine just how alone Alec must have been when he walked this world without anyone knowing or seeing him at all. "I understand."

"I just… needed to catch my breath for a minute is all," Alec tells him, pressing a kiss to his temple. "There is so much about me that is different that I need to get used to, that I can't explain to myself yet, let alone anyone else. And so many things that are different here as well. It's… so much, Magnus."

"Well. We'll take as much time as you need. I'll be with you the entire time."

"You always are," Alec agrees, fingers curling around his jaw as he smiles at him, leaning in to kiss Magnus again.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

Jace won't stop looking at him. And Izzy feels like she's never going to release him from her grasp. Alec clings on to his sister just as tight and tries to pour all the forgiveness he can into his eyes as he looks back at his parabatai. It hurts that he feels nothing, it stings that the person stood in front of him is a part of Alec that is gone. He still loves his family, every member of it, yet his connection to Jace now is no more than that. Their bond has been severed, and Jace looks just as lost as Alec is feeling for _not_ feeling lost at all.

"Looking good," Clary says with tears in her eyes, fingers continuously wiping beneath them for the mascara that keeps pooling there. Alec draws her into a one-armed hug and seeks her forgiveness for all the difficulties between them in the past. She nudges him back with a shake of her head that says it isn't necessary, squeezing his hand before reaching for Jace. She throws an arm around his waist offering her silent support, and Alec thinks he's more grateful for it than she'll ever know.

"We need to call Mom," Izzy says, her voice still choked, shaking her head in denial when Alec tries to extract himself from her grip.

"Izzy. We need to do a lot of things."

"Alec, _no_. Not now. Not anything but family, _our_ family."

Magnus catches Alec's eye over the top of Izzy's head. They don't need to be able to speak to understand each other perfectly. Magnus won't take his eyes from him both fearing he might disappear again, and because Alec needs him now.

"I'll make a call," Magnus tells him, smiling before turning away.

An ache pools in Alec's gut as Izzy leads him through the Institute. Everything is similar yet different, everyone open-mouthed in surprise as they greet him with handshakes and hugs. There is guilt too, along with sheer bewilderment that Alec hopes is more for the fact he has reappeared and less for how he now appears. He doesn't look that different and yet he doesn't look the same at all. He feels a million miles away from the Alec Lightwood that used to run this Institute yet he is still _him_. Finding himself in the middle of all of that is going to take some time.

"I can't go in there," Alec says as they stop outside his former office, feeling as though there is a physical block keeping him from the room. There isn't, nothing but that painful reminder that this isn't his life now. He can't face his former bedroom here either, all of them eventually piling into Izzy's room. He goes to sit but doesn't make it for his Mom's arms wrapping him up in a sobbing hug, sending a silent  _thank you_ to Magnus for portaling her here.

"Robert is with Max," Magnus tells him. "He is overseeing some meetings in Los Angeles, otherwise I would have portaled them both here as well."

"Is Max okay?" Maryse asks, still clinging tight to Alec. Alec tries to give her reassurance though can't bring himself to look her in the eye. If there are changes in him to see surely his mother of all people will be the one to notice them most?

"Max was injured — he's fine," Magnus adds quickly with his hands up as though he's trying not to alarm them.

"What happened?"

Alec's heart is in his throat as he asks, and it feels as though he can't take a breath.

"He was on a patrol that was ambushed by a werewolf pack. He had a broken arm that's healed thanks to his iratze rune, but they are keeping him in the infirmary since he was unconscious when they found him."

"But he's okay?"

"Alec, he's fine," Magnus tells him, smiling. "I spoke with him briefly just now. I think he is infuriating those trying to care for him by being stubborn, which tells me he's almost back to normal."

Maryse sags in Alec's arms in sheer relief, enough for Alec to feel like he's holding her up.

"You need to tell us. Everything," Maryse tells him, tightly gripping on to his hand. Her other is at his cheek, then brushing hair from his forehead, even gripping his chin softly to turn his head so she can inspect his rune.

Alec doesn't know where to start. But as has become his normal, the words come tumbling from him with little prompting. He relives the nightmare that has been his existence since entering that building, horrifying them all for realizing how close he was to them without their knowledge. Alec stops several times when more hugs squeeze him tight, and by the time he's spilled every last word of everything he's experienced, every one of them has tears in their eyes. One thing is for sure. The Seelie Queen might have all the power she does, but Alec thinks for the look on his Mom's face she wouldn't last five minutes alone with her. And as for Magnus…

Alec watches him subtly as he answers every question thrown at him, not keeping himself separate from his family yet still keeping to the edge. It isn't because he doesn't feel part of that family, Alec knows that he does. But Magnus is doing what Magnus always does; putting the needs of others first.

Magnus is the only one that has had any contact with Alec in months, and it is only Magnus that he has been able to share conversations with in his head. They need each other desperately, yet Magnus is still giving him some distance so that all of those who have lost Alec for so long can reconnect with him again. Though his eyes never leave Alec's, following him wherever they each are in the room. He sends soft smiles of reassurance like he knows when Alec is struggling, and wraps his arms around whoever looks like they most need a hug.

"I need to know what is happening here," Alec asks after what feels like hours. "I need to know what the Clave are doing."

"Alec," Jace says, already shaking his head, "the Downworlders called a ceasefire — the _Seelie Queen_ called a ceasefire. She admitted this was her doing, then _surrendered to the authority of the Clave_. Sort of."

"What does that mean?"

"She asked for asylum," Jace says, his eyes flaring in disbelief. "She's in Idris seeking help for this war she's waging against the Unseelie King — or that he's waging against her."

"And they're… granting her actual asylum?" Alec asks, not believing it for a second.

"We don't know anything more than that, Alec. There are meetings going on in Institutes the world over, where things have got the most out of hand."

"Things haven't been _out of hand_ here?" Magnus asks full of suspicion that Alec echoes.

"Not like in some places, no. New York's been pretty peaceful, if you can believe that."

"Not really," Magnus mutters, and Alec finds himself agreeing again.

"So? What now?"

"We're all under orders to tend to our wounded and wait for instructions. The Clave stopped sending Shadowhunters through, and everything's just sort of… well. It's a mess, but it's a little more business as usual than it has been for a while."

"So that's it? We just wait?" Alec asks again, feeling like he has far too much pent-up energy not to be doing _something_. Though he knows the Clave won't want to get involved in Fey politics. Any fighting between the Unseelie King and Seelie Queen is a battle of their own. Alec is uncomfortable that one of his trains of thought goes to what might be happening to the Seelies in the Court without the Queen's guidance, disliking that he's _worried_ about these people who haven't exactly treated him well.

"We just wait," Jace agrees, which is so out of character for him, not planning unauthorized missions or wanting to go snooping.

"Why?"

"We have enough to figure out here," Jace says, and now Alec's stomach is really knotting. He needs to figure out where _he_ fits now; if there is no _fighting_ for them to do he's going to have to face his new reality far sooner than he thinks he is ready for.

"How are you feeling?"

Alec finds himself leaning into his Mom's hand pressed once again to his cheek, trying to inject more confidence into his smile. "Good."

"Honestly?"

That all eyes are now on him once again as though he is something exotic leaves Alec wanting to shrink into himself and disappear. But he can't do that, can't hide what he's becoming, even if he hasn't figured out what that is yet.

"Honestly? I need… time," he admits, immediately looking down to find Magnus' hand slotted through his own. He squeezes back, anchoring himself as he tries to put into words what he's thinking.

"You can take all the time you need," Magnus tells him, swirling his thumb over the back of his hand.

"I know. I will. I just… there is far more to be thinking about than what is happening to me."

"There really isn't," Clary disagrees.

"Whatever is happening with you is more important than anything else," Izzy adds, glaring at Alec as though he might dare to argue. "We need to—"

"I don't know what I need to do, Iz. I don't; I don't know what I am now, or what I'm gonna be. I don't know where I fit here, or what's gonna happen."

"What's going to happen, is that you're going to _rest_ ," she insists, folding her arms. "We just got you back. You need to take care of yourself before you start thinking about anything else. And you need to start answering your _cell_."

Alec watches as Izzy walks over to a shelf across the room, coming back with his cell phone and stele in hand. She pauses before handing them over, the stele feeling more like a paperweight without any sense of power in it for him at all. He has the urge to run for his bow and quiver, perhaps pick up a seraph blade to see if it still glows for his touch. He suspects his arrows will fly just fine but that the blade won't recognize him anymore. Alec isn't sure he wants to be in company when he has that confirmed.

"Well. I for one would like to get Alec home," Magnus says, leaning into his arm.

Jace catches Alec's eye, and there is a hint of the teasing there once would have been between them for Magnus' words. Alec aches in remembrance for it wondering if that will ever come back. There is so much to repair between he and everybody here in this room. Alec has so many threads of conversations he wants to have with them all running through his head. Yet the need to be home with Magnus is stronger than anything else.

Magnus' smile for him tells Alec he is feeling the same, and after the ordeal that has been these past months, there isn't a single thing Alec would deny him.

* * *

The portal hasn't even fully closed behind them when Alec reaches for Magnus and pulls him into a desperate kiss. There have been so many kisses this evening, so many instances when they couldn't stop touching. Now that they are home alone and there is nowhere else they need to be, there is nothing to interrupt them. Urgent need is the only thing to focus on, stumbling their way to their bedroom and not once letting go of one another.

Alec undresses him with reverence leaving Magnus to feel more cherished than he has done his entire life. There are tears falling for both of them this evening, but these ones are full of relief, replacing all those shed for how much they've lost over the months they've been separated.

Alec tucks into Magnus' neck as he fills him, trembling as he holds him close. His breath is hot against his skin as he composes himself. Magnus holds him tight intent on waiting Alec's tears out, doing nothing to hide his own that continue to fall.

"We're a mess," Alec says with a burst of laughter as he props himself up on his elbows.

"That may be. Yet you are still the most beautiful thing I have set my eyes on in what I think must be almost a year."

"Same," Alec says as he ducks to kiss him, his eyes fluttering closed as he begins to move. He clasps on to Magnus' hands holding them against the pillow, relieved tears and joyful kisses accompanying all of the love that they make.

It is only when they're curled up together breathless with sweat cooling on their skin that Alec questions his sense of time.

"Have I really been gone a year?" he says, still pressing kisses wherever he can get to.

"Almost. I checked at the Institute for the date of that mission that…"

That _stole_ you from me, Magnus wants to say, but can't quite bring himself to say it out loud. Alec understands anyway, moving just enough to press their foreheads together before kissing him again. They fall asleep between one kiss and the next, waking fitfully through the night and sleeping until late in the morning. Magnus startles awake clinging on to Alec in fear for thinking he might have disappeared in his sleep, receiving a sleepy kiss and apology when Alec needs to use the bathroom.

It is still _his_ Alec that crawls back into bed, and _his_ Alec that shows him all his love all over again. Yet there is something _more_ to Alec that both of them need to come to terms with. It is after another sleep that Magnus finds a way to broach the subject, still holding on to Alec tight.

"How do you feel? Be honest with me, Alexander."

Alec knows what he is meaning without Magnus having to explain.

"Well. I'm still me. It's still me in here," he says, backing up his words with a kiss.

"It is," Magnus agrees, returning that kiss. "Yet there is _more_ you now."

"Well. I don't know about _more_ ," Alec says, rolling on to his side and toying with Magnus' fingers in contemplation. "It's just _different_. There's still a part of me that's Shadowhunter, I think. Feels like there is anyway, at least in part. There's just… other stuff too."

"Seelie?" Magnus asks even though he knows the answer. He untangles his fingers from Alec's to trace over the rune on his forearm, watching as it glows.

"Yeah. I guess. Whatever the Seelie Queen gave me, anyway."

Alec thinks something in the realm she sent him to reacted with whatever was done to him, and since neither of them has a better explanation, Magnus has no need or desire right now to prove that theory right. There are no books on this, no research they can conduct to figure out all that might come for Alec. He's here now, and he's whole, and healthy, and there is nothing more Magnus could ask for.

"Magnus. You know I'm gonna need to go back there sometime."

Magnus closes his eyes as he nods, not wanting to hear it even though he knows that he must. Whatever part of Alec is now Seelie is going to call him _home_ ; as will his curiosity to explore these new realms that are now open to him. "Yes."

"It's not gonna be like before though. I'm… there's nothing that can stop me coming back here now. Or you coming with me there, if you want."

Magnus hopes it is as simple as that and will support Alec through whatever he needs to do. But the thought of losing him again already has him tucking beneath Alec's chin and holding on tight. "We will deal with that if and when we have to."

"Well," Alec says, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, "whatever happens, I've got no intention of that being any time soon. Not unless this _asylum_ the Seelie Queen's asking for comes to something, and the Clave does decide to get involved. I guess I might come in _useful_ if that happens. But even if it does, it's gonna be on my terms."

Magnus thinks he could start a war if the Clave tries to use Alec for anything, though he doesn't want to disturb this peaceful moment between them to say such things out loud. So he lifts his head up and kisses him again before tucking back into his arms, pushes the thought to one side to dwell on at another time. "We will see."

"And anyway," Alec adds, pressing a long kiss to the top of his head. "We were in the middle of planning our _wedding_ before this whole thing happened; we need to get back to doing that."

Magnus shudders against him not trusting himself not to cry. Alec knows anyway, sweeping soothing hands over his back and arms. He'd forgotten marriage was going to be a part of his life when he'd forgotten Alec, and then it became something just out of his grasp. Magnus is overwhelmed by the idea that all the things he'd never thought he'd have in his life are once again going to be a part of it. He lifts his head to look at Alec and allows himself to get lost in his smile.

"Then. If we have no need to return to that dimension before we marry, can we delay it a little further still by waiting until we've had our honeymoon? We have to reorganize and plan the entire thing."

They should be married _already_ , Magnus thinks, the tentative date they'd set long-past. Magnus doesn't think it's possible for him to loathe the Seelie Queen more than he already does, but this new revelation challenges that belief.

"We can delay it as long as you want," Alec whispers, cupping his face to kiss him again. "We can delay it years. Decades. Maybe centuries, even."

Magnus shakes his head at Alec's teasing, sure this particular change in Alec will be both the hardest and easiest thing to get used to. When the Seelie Queen had relented, releasing her hold on the Shadow World, Alec's next demands were more personal. She had revealed that her spell to keep them apart to gain control had involved giving a part of herself to Alec. Magnus doesn't relish the idea of anything of the Seelie Queen having tainted Alec at all, and neither does Alec. Yet the idea that he won't lose him anytime soon, that Alec might share a part of the Seelie Queen's own longevity, Magnus will cling on to for the happy accident that it is. They will deal with the consequences of everything else as they need to.

"Well. It might take centuries for me to feel able to let you out of my sight again," he says, not sure how long it's going to take without him waking fearing Alec is lost to him again.

"Just as long as it's gonna take for me to even think about going anywhere without you," Alec replies.

Though they're both being overdramatic and whimsical, Magnus doesn't think he'll be able to bear Alec being further than the other room away from him for the foreseeable future. Even the thought of them leaving this bed separately for too long seems an impossible task. He leans up to drape over Alec curling his hand around the nape of his neck. Alec closes his eyes for the thumb he swirls behind his ear accepting his kisses as he adjusts Magnus in his arms.

"We're going to have a lot of work to do," Alec says when they wake from yet another sleep, Magnus smiling for the fingertips tracing patterns into his back. Though he prefered Alec's earlier words about planning their wedding than this current talk of getting back to work.

"Not today we don't."

"No," Alec agrees with a kiss to his forehead, "not today. But sometime."

"Alexander—"

"Magnus. It was the Unseelie King's magic you were seeing in the ley lines. I know _she_ was doing all of that to us, but she was… I think she was frightened. Desperate to hold on to whatever power she has."

Magnus nods, not having an ounce of sympathy for the Seelie Queen. "I suppose."

"I think _him_ ruling all the Fey dimensions would be far worse than her. I think the Clave will have to see this as the threat it really could be."

It's too soon to think about it. Magnus can already picture Alec offering his services using his new abilities to get to the Unseelie Court, flinching at the nightmare scenarios now racing through his mind. "Alec—"

"Hey," Alec whispers, kissing him and pressing a hand over Magnus' heart, drumming his fingers there to get his attention. "I mean it. I'm not going anywhere without you. And I'm not going anywhere _there_. I just got _back_."

"But?" Magnus asks, because Alec would never choose the easy path here.

"But nothing," Alec shrugs. "I can't pretend the Clave won't have questions for me. I can't know what the Seelie Queen would have told them about me, or what she thinks I can do. I was just saying that the fact the Unseelie King's power was right there in those ley lines means the Clave can't ignore it. None of us should."

"No, I suppose not."

Magnus knows the warlocks will be looking for guidance. A message he saw from Catarina the second time he and Alec woke up told him that Lorenzo Rey has fled the city. Magnus thinks it's far too soon for her suggestion that  _he_ resume charge.

"But I'm… _we_ — all of us — there is going to be so much trust we have to rebuild," Alec adds, kissing him. "Between Shadowhunters, and Downworlders, and whatever _I_ am now."

"I suppose you are in a unique place for that _rebuilding_ ," Magnus agrees, reluctant because he can see the leadership already flaring in Alec's eyes. He doesn't want that yet, not for either of them.

"No time soon."

Magnus closes his eyes for the kisses over them, concentrating on the feel of Alec's hand curled around his waist. They _do_  have work to do, as much as he wants to ignore it. For all he knows there could be a fresh threat raging all around them and they wouldn't have a clue.

"Hey," Alec whispers, "did I not say I wanted to be home with you?"

"You did," Magnus agrees, cracking on eye open to catch Alec's smile.

"And did I not say, that after that, you could take me anywhere you want to?"

Magnus laughs for the kisses peppered over his face leaning into them, sweeping his hand up Alec's side. "Yes. You did."

"Then, why are you making _that_ face, like I'm saying I'm planning on getting out there already?" Alec asks, rolling Magnus over on to his back.

"Alexander," he says, swallowing away the tears threatening to force their way out. "I lost you for almost a year. The thought of you disappearing again so soon after the last time you… it's too much."

He doesn't mean to get upset again. There have been too many tears and so much sadness in the past few months, that Magnus thought he might have cried himself dry. But those tears are welling up again, which Alec immediately reaches for to thumb away. Magnus tries to hide the shudder that will announce he's close to crying yet again but Alec won't ignore it, bracketing his face between his forearms and nuzzling against him until he calms.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," Alec says, kissing it into his lips as though he intends for Magnus to taste the truth in his words. "I love you too much to even think of being anywhere else."

"I love you too," Magnus whispers back, arching just enough to mean they're pressed together at every point they can be.

"So believe me. I'm here now. I'm not about to disappear again. I promise."

"I do believe you."

"And hey," Alec adds, nosing at his cheek and smiling, "I _can't_ lie anymore, I don't think."

Magnus' stomach drops for one more reminder of the part of Alec that is Seelie now, doing his best to hide the fear it ripples through him. "I was under the impression there were no lies between us anyway."

"Well. I'm just not sure how I'm gonna be able to keep _anything_ from you from now on. How am I supposed to surprise you at Christmas, or whenever I get you something, if I can't lie even a little?"

"Seelies have always found a way to manipulate the truth."

"Are you saying I'm _manipulative_?" Alec asks, nudging his way between Magnus' legs.

"I would say… _persuasive_."

"Persuasive, huh?"

"Yes," Magnus agrees, parting his legs a little more and knowing Alec is purposely distracting him, more than happy to let him.

"This hasn't changed. _Us_ ," Alec whispers with a quick wave of his hand between their chests.

"No. It hasn't," Magnus agrees, knowing that it hasn't, and also that there are many irrational fears that are going to keep them both company for a while.

"I just want to be here with you. Whatever else might be different about me now, that's not gonna change for me. Ever. At all."

Magnus lifts his head up enough for Alec to slot his hand beneath, and trails his fingers over his back.

* * *

When Alec was a child he attended many Shadowhunter weddings. He remembers being bored through every last one of them for the ceremonies and speeches that he had to sit through. Keeping still and silent for fear of tarnishing the Lightwood name by misbehaving. Any time he fidgeted he would feel his father's gaze sweep over him in disapproval putting fresh rigidity in his spine. It's still that sense of disapproval that often has him standing to attention even now.

As he'd gotten older, Alec had developed new reasons for disliking weddings. A ritual that joined people in a loveless union in most scenarios, and those few who were lucky enough to be marrying _for_ love a reminder to Alec of things he'd never get to have. Izzy used to tease him for being bitter and cynical, promising Alec someone would one day steal his heart, and that he'd never look at a wedding with such disdain again. Alec had never believed her, even when he'd wanted to, adamant that love wasn't something that would happen to him.

Then, he'd met Magnus, and an entire universe of possibilities had opened up to him. He'd felt whole in a way he'd never expected to, and learned more about himself than he ever had. All that love Alec had insisted was not for him has spilled into all the corners of his world leaving him far softer than he wants to admit being at times, finding himself smiling at the simplest of things. Though having a life to share with someone has also brought up insecurities Alec had told himself he wasn't aware of. There have been fights over issues Alec had never dreamed people would argue about. Disagreements over the stupidest things that they are furious at each other for then laughing about together at the ridiculousness of in the aftermath.

But he loves Magnus heart and soul, doesn't have a day he doesn't wake grateful for the beautiful man asleep beside him. Sometimes he still doesn't believe his luck even with him right there, watching Magnus as he sleeps barely daring to breathe in case it's _him_ that is sleeping, and this is some trick of a dream. Magnus always seems to know when he's watching him, mumbling a _good morning, Alexander_ before pulling him close and pressing a kiss into his hair.

Just as he did _this_ morning. And will do every morning for as long as they both live. Which, Alec thinks, studying his palm as though he can see the part of him that is Seelie flowing through it, is going to be a long, long time. Excitement ripples through him for just how long that might be.

Alec smooths down the lapels of his jacket, smiling as he turns for Jace then reaching out to do the same.

"Think you're gonna actually make it down the aisle this time?" Jace teases, patting him on the arm.

"I did last time."

"Yeah. Right before you stormed back down it and kissed the life out of Magnus in front of _everyone_."

Alec laughs, knowing Lydia is out in the crowd waiting to watch he and Magnus marry, already flushed for her teasing him to do it right this time. "Yeah, well. I know what I'm doing this time."

"Yeah, you do."

Jace squeezes his shoulder and gestures through the small archway Alec is about to pass, letting him know he'll be waiting on the other side. Alec looks around him taking in the woven bracken and branches interspersed with flowers that weave their way over the arch. There are petals lining his path and other touches of the Seelie Court that he's come to know. There are even some Seelies present waiting to watch them marry; all kinds of traditions are becoming a part of Alec's life now that he is considered part of the Court. Including guards being stationed at his wedding.

Alec pushes the thought of his _duties_ to the Court aside as he begins to walk, trying to focus only on Magnus waiting at the altar a few feet away. When they return from their honeymoon Alec begins negotiations for a treaty with the Unseelie King. The Seelie Queen is still in Idris instructing Alec to speak on her behalf. And though Alec doesn't like the idea of receiving _instructions_ he has to take advantage of his position; trying to broker a peace between the Seelie realms, the Downworlders, and the Clave.

Magnus' smile for him pushes the last thoughts of Seelie politics from Alec's mind, his heart skipping for the future that is waiting for him. He quickens his pace, taking Magnus' hands as he joins him aware of nothing else. Alec leans in to kiss him even before the ceremony begins, catching Luke's wink after he's cleared his throat to get their attention.

"You're beautiful," Alec whispers in Magnus' ear as Luke begins to speak to their guests and witnesses, and is glad again that they asked Luke to orchestrate their wedding.

"As are you," Magnus whispers back, both of them receiving a smile and raised eyebrow from Luke for not listening to him.

Alec concentrates on the swirl of Magnus' thumb over the back of his hand feeling anchored like he never has. Their lives together began long before now, but this is symbolic, the chance to give both of them something neither one of them thought they'd get to have. Their future will be a difficult one, and there is much uncertainty that waits them ahead. But their love for one another is a constant; Alec can do and be anything he needs to, so long as he has Magnus with him to do it.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? Didn't I promise you a hopeful ending?!
> 
> And yes... I know this lends itself to having the story continue; there is a lot left unanswered! As I said at the start there are no plans to continue this further, but I guess you never know :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> <3


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